Bee About It

Inspiration is a funny thing.  Sometimes it's like being sucker-punched.  Other times it's like finding a twenty dollar bill in a pair of jeans.  I've made it my unofficial goal in life to seek out inspiration in what most would consider off-the-wall places.  For an example of this, read my piece entitled Holy Underwear.  

I work from home daily.  I am a lucky man indeed.  More often than not, you can find me doing my best Flipper imitation at the pool on my lunch hour.  While swimming around yesterday, I noticed a bee stranded in the water.  It was floating on the surface but I could tell the jig was almost up!  He was trying desperately to get out of the water.  He was not having any luck.  Normally, I wouldn't hesitate to put this stinging creature out of it's misery.  On this day, however, my curiosity got the best of me.  I decided to save the bee and observe his behavior once I got him back to dry land.  I know...I'm strange.   

I watched him for what must have been a good fifteen minutes.  I even managed to get a picture(see above).  He worked furiously to wipe away all the water from his body.  He took his time.  He worked very hard.  He was thorough.  He was persistent.  Lastly, he shook off what was left of the water and hit the open skies.  

The Bottom Line:

Even when life seems to be drowning you, accept a helping hand.  Work hard.  Bee thorough.  Bee persistent.  Bee patient.  Shake off what's drowning you and realize that the sky really is the limit! 

Ten Reasons Why Weiner is a Dick

1.    Showing his penis to 45,000 people on Twitter…

2.    Posing for provocative photos while having photos of family and friends on the table behind him...

3.    "E-cheating" on his relatively NEW wife...

4.    Lying to the world about being hacked, all while having a jackass attitude...

5.    Spending more time naked online than in his own bed…with his WIFE...

6.    Thinking people are all morons who will believe whatever he tells them…

7.    Being too stupid to know the difference between sending his crotch to 1 person or 45,000…

8.    Trying to pass off fake tears as a sign that he is sorry for what he did…

9.    Making penis jokes with reporters…

10.  Thinking it’s somehow “better” that most of his antics were before he was technically married…

The Bottom Line:

This is yet another example of why we need term limits for members of Congress.  It’s too easy to get comfortable in a position of such great power.  Congress members start to behave differently, vote differently, make poor decisions, and abuse their considerable influence for personal gain.  Perhaps if we enact a 4 year term limit, some of these people would reconsider running in the first place; because there would be no endless opportunity to retain power and privilege.  Our current system almost begs abusers and jackasses from all over the U.S. to run for office because of the potential benefits to them personally.  It’s time to pull up the pants on Congress term limits.   

Verizon Wireless: What Recession?

I am pretty sure the folks over at Verizon Wireless are smoking some of the best "recession pot" around.  That can be THE only explanation for their gluttonous pricing plans for the new Motorola Droid.  I have to admit.  I was very interested in breaking with my current phone carrier just to have this phone.  That was the case until I started digging a little deeper.  What I found was just appalling!  Trust me...there is more to that god-awful Gothic sound they have on the Droid website VerizonWireless.com/Droid.  It sounds like music from the Saw VI movie and for good reason!



The Break Down:

$99.00/mo - 450 Minutes (Seriously?)
$119.99/mo - 900 Minutes
$129.99/mo - 1350 Minutes
$149.99/mo - Unlimited
$699.99/mo - Unlimited and you get to be the CEO for 5minutes.

This doesn't sound too bad considering how AT&T and Apple are sticking it to iPhone users.  But Wait!!!  There's more!!!

$35.00 - Activation Fee (A.K.A. The fee we just throw in to add insult to injury fee)

It get's better...

The phone price:
$599.99 - Month To Month
$269.99 - One Year Contract
$199.99 - Two Year Contract

If you call in the next 60 seconds...

$1.39/mo - Extended Warranty
$1.99/mo - Basic Crappy Insurance
$7.99/mo - Insurance That Will Actually Help Insurance

As a special bonus...

$2.99/mo - Visual Voice Mail
$39.00 - Just for the battery! What phone doesn't come with a battery?
$4.99 - For the battery door!!!???

The Bottom Line...

I would have to pay nearly $300 just to purchase and activate this Recession Nightmare.  After all that, I'd be paying almost $200 a month just for the privilege of owning and operating the Motorola Droid.  Sure, the Droid, by all accounts is an incredible phone, but do I really want to pay what will amount to around FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS for it over the term of a two year contract??????  There is no recession according to Verizon.  The Droid by Motorola is a gorgeous phone, but it will cost you as much as an upscale hooker and probably leave you with as much regret. 

Verizon: Fail
Motorola: Fail
Monthly Charges: Fail
Start Up Charges: Fail
Realistic Recession Option: Fail

iPhone Douche Bag Syndrome - The Real Health Care Crisis

I want to start by saying that I believe that the iphone is a wonderful device. I do not dispute that this phone has changed the "game" when it comes to what people are capable of doing on a cell phone. For all it's success, the iphone has created a dubious phenomenon... the iphone douche bag or iDB!

Yes ladies and gentlemen, if you are not one of them already most likely you've seen them or know one. They are in their cars next to you in traffic, at the office in a cubicle, at the grocery store, the movie theater, study groups, churches, restaurants, doctors offices...you name it! They are characterized by being unable to pull their faces away from the iphone long enough to take in the world around them. They have replaced the loud, obnoxious cell user as the new annoying thing on the flight from L.A. to New York and everywhere in between.

I've been up close and personal with the iphone. I know it's great. I also tend to grant people their "new gadget honeymoon". I've been there before. The iDB, however, takes this obsession to a whole new level. Have you ever tried talking to the iphone Douche Bag about anything other than their iphone? I thought people talking about their young children or grandchildren were bad. They are mild compared to the iDB. I think it's time to put the iphone down and rejoin the land of the living. There is a time and place for the iphone. The restroom, hospital, game night, or other HUMAN social event is not really the place for it.

Don't let this happen to your loved ones. Act now before it's too late! Start an iphone Douche Bag support group in your area. It's an illness and must be cured. With your help we can see a brighter day for those suffering with iDBS. :-)

Stay iphone Free!