When Pigs Fly

I'm browsing through the various Facebook posts this morning and I start to notice a trend...people replacing actual expletives like "shit" or "damn" with "shyt" or "dayum".  That's when I started thinking...I know, me...thinking...who'd have thought?  I started to see parallels to real life in this behavior.  It's amazing to me how much time people spend trying to "clean up" their lives.  This "clean-up" is very much like the word "shyt".  Everyone knows that it's really "shit"...it means the same thing as "shit".  Why not just say shit?  Why is it acceptable for people to live their lives contrary to who they say they are...so long as they appear to be what they are supposed to be?

This was the question I asked myself back in my married days.  I kept asking myself why it was OK that all of my close god-fearing friends knew I was attracted to men but seemed to be fine with it as long as I played the part of a straight man.  As soon as I started keeping it real, they ran for the hills.  What is it about the truth that makes so many people squeamish?  Pretenses add no real value in life if nobody believes them.  Why be the idiot who is dressing up a pig in a bird costume and expecting it to fly South for the Winter?  Why not just be happy with what is clearly a pig?

Don't get me wrong.  I've been that person walking around with a "bird-pig" before.  I guess sometimes we feel like reality is just too harsh and so we feel the need to dress it down.  I'm just not sure what is to be gained by doing so.  I rarely do that anymore...oh, maybe on Facebook...sometimes.  Even then, I tend to keep it very real.  I'm sure some people on my friends list cringe at the things that I post at times!    The older I get, the less I feel like keeping up appearances with people.  I would sooner tell you it's none of your business than to make up some elaborate lie.  I'd rather just type the word "fuck" than waste an asterisk (i.e. f*ck).

The Bottom Line:

In this increasingly low-tolerance and politically correct world, sometimes shyt is just shit and a bird is really a pig.  Say what you mean, not what looks good on Facebook.

Home Sweet Home

http://www.udr.com/

Nearly two years ago, I moved to my current apartment community.  I had the unfortunate pleasure of meeting the only male in the office at the time.  He was snide.  He over compensated for being a straight man in an increasingly gay male profession by flirting with any woman who entered the room.  He was rude. He was juvenile.  He got my UDR relationship off on a sour note.  It was like one of those really bad American Idol audition clips that we have all grown to love.  My prayers were answered early on as this delight of a man moved away to Austin.  I don't recall his name because I had a medical procedure done to block it from my memory permanently.

Then there was James...

James didn't really get a fair shake from me because of that Neanderthal that ended up in Austin.  I figured James was Neanderthal Jr. and would typically steer clear of dealing with him. As fate would have it, there were several times I was forced to deal with James because there was simply nobody else to help me.  I started to realize that James might be OK.  He seemed interested in what I had to say for one thing.  That's always a GREAT way to start.  Then he did something else that took me by surprise.  He followed up.  While that may seem like a really lame thing to be surprised by, the apartment leasing world has changed for the worse over the years.  I've lived in apartments all my life.  I've seen just about every type of leasing "professional" you could imagine.  The chance that one of them would follow up with you on an issue or question is about as great as the chance that you would be hit by a truck-driving nun in a school-zone situated in an all Baptist community.  Let's just say that today's leasing professionals don't exactly measure up all the time.  James has always followed up with me.  If he doesn't have an answer...he gets one.

While all this is noteworthy, there is something that sets James apart from even the rest of the staff here in my community.  He has the uncanny ability of "knowing his audience".  He is able to assess WHO he is talking to and engage them in a manner that shows them that he's paying attention.  When he needs to speak slowly and with regard for his words...he does.  When he needs to "be real" and talk to you straight...he can.  When he knows you need a laugh...he makes you smile.  I've personally witnessed him in action.  He is keenly aware of who he is talking to and is able to present himself just as that person needs him to be presented.  This is a quality that is rare.  Most people are only satisfied with coming to terms with how they interact with others.  It's not often that you find those perceptive people who are willing to meet others half way in order to better communicate and build trust.

UDR should be taking notes.  James has a lot to offer any employer.  His abilities make him priceless.  In case you were wondering, I do not know James.  I don't even know his last name.  There is nothing in it for me except the pleasure of being able to brag on someone who is doing a stellar job at treating people like...well...people.  It's timeless.  It's classic.  It NEVER goes out of style.  James should be considered the "new black" in apartment leasing.  Every apartment community should have a James "hanging in the closet".  He goes with everything.

James:  I appreciate you for treating me like a person and not a lease.  I appreciate you caring enough to stay late on a Sunday to update me on an issue I was having with trespassers.  I appreciate you always taking the time to get back to me.  I appreciate you always going above and beyond for even the smallest things.  I wanted to take the time to say thank you and to make sure that everyone knows what a great person and great professional you really are.  It's because of your efforts that I continue to call my apartment...home.  UDR is lucky to have you.

Sincerely,

David by the pool.  :-)

TIME...for God to call Pat Robertson Home

In a world so filled with hate and intolerance, you'd think that nothing would shock me at this point.  Well, leave it to the increasingly senile Pat Robertson to shock me all over again.  It's amazing to me how he has the innate ability to be two-faced.  During a 700 Club "relief telethon" that started airing on the Christian Broadcasting Network, Pat Robertson started going on about a "deal" with the devil that Haitians made many years ago.  He was inferring that the earthquake was some sort of punishment for being anti-god.  So while trying to "help" the people of Haiti with a telethon, he is basically saying they got what they deserved???  He wins the Fake Ass Religious Tool (or F.A.R.T.) Award for 2010.

Below is a "Top Ten" list of ridiculous quotes made by Pat Robertson...

10. "Lord, give us righteous judges who will not try to legislate and dominate this society. Take control, Lord! We ask for additional vacancies on the court." –Pat Robertson

9. "Just like what Nazi Germany did to the Jews, so liberal America is now doing to the evangelical Christians. It's no different. It is the same thing. It is happening all over again. It is the Democratic Congress, the liberal-based media and the homosexuals who want to destroy the Christians. Wholesale abuse and discrimination and the worst bigotry directed toward any group in America today. More terrible than anything suffered by any minority in history." –Pat Robertson

8. "I would warn Orlando that you're right in the way of some serious hurricanes, and I don't think I'd be waving those flags in God's face if I were you, This is not a message of hate -- this is a message of redemption. But a condition like this will bring about the destruction of your nation. It'll bring about terrorist bombs; it'll bring earthquakes, tornadoes, and possibly a meteor." –Pat Robertson, on "gay days" at Disneyworld

7. "(T)he feminist agenda is not about equal rights for women. It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians." –Pat Robertson

6. "I know this is painful for the ladies to hear, but if you get married, you have accepted the headship of a man, your husband. Christ is the head of the household and the husband is the head of the wife, and that's the way it is, period." –Pat Robertson

5. "I'd like to say to the good citizens of Dover: If there is a disaster in your area, don't turn to God, you just rejected him from your city. And don't wonder why he hasn't helped you when problems begin, if they begin. I'm not saying they will, but if they do, just remember, you just voted God out of your city. And if that's the case, don't ask for his help because he might not be there." --Pat Robertson, after the city of Dover, Pennsylvania voted to boot the current school board, which instituted an intelligent design policy that led to a federal trial

4. "God considers this land to be his. You read the Bible and he says 'This is my land,' and for any prime minister of Israel who decides he is going to carve it up and give it away, God says, 'No, this is mine.' ... He was dividing God's land. And I would say, 'Woe unto any prime minister of Israel who takes a similar course to appease the E.U., the United Nations, or the United States of America.' God says, 'This land belongs to me. You better leave it alone.'" --Pat Robertson, on why Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon suffered a massive stroke

3. "Maybe we need a very small nuke thrown off on Foggy Bottom to shake things up" –Pat Robertson, on nuking the State Department

2. "You know, I don't know about this doctrine of assassination, but if he thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it. It's a whole lot cheaper than starting a war ... We have the ability to take him out, and I think the time has come that we exercise that ability. We don't need another $200 billion war to get rid of one, you know, strong-arm dictator. It's a whole lot easier to have some of the covert operatives do the job and then get it over with." –Pat Robertson, calling for the assassination of Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez

1. "It may be a blessing in disguise. ... Something happened a long time ago in Haiti, and people might not want to talk about it. Haitians were originally under the heel of the French. You know, Napoleon the third, or whatever. And they got together and swore a pact to the devil. They said, we will serve you if you will get us free from the French. True story. And so, the devil said, okay it's a deal. Ever since, they have been cursed by one thing after the other." –Pat Robertson, on the earthquake in Haiti that destroyed the capital and killed tens of thousands of people, Jan. 13, 2010

It's too bad we can't predict earthquakes...then we could make sure Pat Robertson is there in person to report on things AS they actually happen.  

The Bottom Line: Someone needs to give Pat Robertson a one-way ticket to Shady Pines Retirement Home so that he can regale the old folks with stories of God's hate for everyone except 700 Club members.   

~ To the people of Haiti ~ 

The Lord bless you and keep you.  The Lord make His face to shine upon you and be gracious to you.  The Lord lift up His countenance upon you and give you peace.