Have You Seen Me?

What has happened to friendship?  When did true friendship suddenly go missing?  In the era of Facebook-fueled disposable relationships, I can't help but ask myself... Are real friendships becoming a thing of the past?   

I've always been pretty selective with who I call "friend".  I believe it is a title that should be earned rather than hastily bestowed upon someone.  For this reason, I have few close friends.  I'm OK with that though.  I've had even fewer best friends in my lifetime.  I've lost two so far.  The first was because of my coming out.  That was fun...fun like surgery with no anesthesia.  The second...I'm still trying to figure out what happened there.   

Just a few short months ago, I experienced my second ride on the severed friendship boat.  Someone I cared about deeply and for whom I'd have done anything suddenly sent me a Dear John text.  There was no opportunity for me to address issues or fix what I could.  There was no warning.  There was just a text full of words and thoughts that lacked any love or compassion.  Apparently, this friend could only exist in the sunshine and fair weather.  I guess he didn't have the stomach to endure thunderstorms and hurricanes.  This loss, like the last one, was equally devastating.  I was left confused and deeply hurt.  I had been there for this person through the worst time of their life; and I never once bailed.  I never once ended the friendship.  Why?  Because I believe true friendship and love transcends circumstances, and distance, and life's storms.  I believe that friendship doesn't always have to be perfect or comfortable.  I believe that two people should be able to respect each other and honor their relationship as friends no matter the circumstances.  Sure, shit happens.  People make mistakes.   There are trying times for everyone.  A real friend, however, should be able to see through the storm.  To put it bluntly, any fucking idiot should understand that storms don't last forever.  

Then today, I learned that someone I love dearly lost their best friend to similar foolishness.  I hurt so badly for him.  I remember what it feels like to have your heart ripped out through your ass with the realization that someone you thought was your best friend, really wasn't at all.  This was the last straw for me.  

I have had it with this culture of disposable friendships...where if the person doesn't exactly reflect our interests, ideals, beliefs, goals, or comfort level, we simply toss them out like moldy bread.  When did this become the norm?  When did people become so weak and cowardly that they can't even withstand the high winds of life?  I wish more than anything this wasn't the case.  I hate that people seem to be forgetting the meaning of true friendship.  Pop culture sites like Facebook have fooled people into thinking that sharing your every bowel movement online is friendship.  This has translated into our actual friendships now.  We unfriend people in an instant.  I feel like it's becoming harder and harder for people to distinguish between Facebook and real life.  Will true friendship  remain on the milk carton or will it be plucked from the clutches of its captor - complacency? 

The Bottom Line:

The next time the storms hit and you think of turning your back on someone you call a friend, consider this...  Is it really the right call to cut this person from your life or are you just being a giant bag of flaccid dicks?

Trash Bag

For those of you who've been taking out the trash since you were a kid like I have been; you will probably recall the many struggles you had trying to get the oftentimes overstuffed plastic bag to break free from the trash can.  Ahhh the good ole days...torn handles, ripped bags, the things you spent all week shoving into the dark have now spilled out on the floor for all to see.  What's worse is that many times you were not only forced to SEE all your gross trash, but also forced to touch it after it has become decomposed and slimy!  I found myself nearly thrust back to those very moments this morning.  While half asleep, I thought to myself, "now would be a great time to take out the trash".  Who does that?  At any rate, there I was trying to pry out a bloated bag of trash from what seemed like a trash can that didn't want to say goodbye just yet.  Then as the sleepy fog shifted just a bit, I remembered that if you just lift up on the bag slowly and kind of just hold the bag and can up in the air just a bit...then pause; the can will usually just slide off on its own.  It's not a method for the impatient (which I can be), but highly effective for avoiding a trashy debacle. 

This, of course, got me thinking.  Because why wouldn't trash inspire me at the crack of dawn?  Isn't that like life?  Over the years we get stuffed with trash...bad choices, bad exes, bad habits, bad ideas, bad clothes, bad behavior, or bad hair days.  Life's trash bag gets swollen and bloated to the point that the walls of our being or soul become tightly pressed up against it.  Most of us will take out the trash from time to time, but how effective are we at managing our trash?  

Do we cram all our trash in until we can't anymore, then forcefully try to rip it out in a hurry?  Perhaps, we end up having to remove some of the trash and place it in another bag so we can somehow manage to get it out.  Or just maybe some of us turn the whole can over in an attempt to free ourselves of the trash in our lives.  Worse yet, perhaps we just leave the trash, hoping that someone else will take it out for us.  In my moment of sleepy diligence, I was reminded that a little patience and planning go a long way.  

The Bottom Line:
When it comes to life's trash, don't let your trash get too full in the first place.  Take your trash out regularly.  Don't try to rip it out too fast and risk spilling your trash all over the place. Don't expect other to take out your trash.  And for god's sake...don't take out your trash while you are half asleep!  

Bar None

So, it’s a “late spring in January” kind of a day here in my hometown.  I’m wearing a tank-top and it feels amazing.  I started out with lunch.  As a sat on the patio relaxing and enjoying something called a chicken cheeseburger, I couldn’t help but notice all the people gathering at the bar across the street...a bar that I’ve been to more times than I care to admit.  

It’s interesting how the bars play such a huge role in my people’s culture.  By “my people”, I’m referring to the gays.  I’ve struggled over the years to understand why bars seem to be the only place we like to congregate.  I don’t really care for the bars.  So, of course I packed up my laptop and decided to plop down right in the middle of one!  I’ve made a habit of forcing myself into awkward scenarios in an effort to keep my mind outside the box.  Trust me when I say that typing away in the middle of a meat market is highly awkward!  So, I pulled out my laptop and began observing and writing.  I think I’ve been able to categorize the things I’ve seen today...

The Social Queens - 

These are the guys who show up just to be seen.  This is as much a production as anything you would ever see on broadway.  Hair is sprayed into submission.  Clothes are two sizes too small.  On a side note, that baby Gap look only works on 1 out of every 20 gay men.  The social queens are laughing at things that aren’t funny, throwing back drinks faster than the bartender can pour, and generally doing everything short of setting off fireworks in an effort to be noticed.  

The Sex Queens - 

I think we all know what these folks are doing.  Ummm yeah...looking for sex.  They are the least complicated individuals in all of gaydom.  

The Drag Queens - 

Albeit they are not typically “made up”, you can always spot them by their high-arched eyebrows and affinity for comfy sweatpants.  You can also spot that “I took off all my makeup at about 4am this morning” look.  Hey, I’m not making this up.  

The Sporty Queens - 

These are the ones who want to accentuate every muscle in their overly worked out, usually out-of-proportion bodies.  Think top-heavy...90 inch chest and legs you could clean small pipes with.  It’s amazing that they have time to even make it to a bar considering they are always propped up on a bench-press machine.  

The Old Queens - 

I have an agreement with my best friend to have him stab me in the face if I ever find myself in this group.  These are the men of considerable age who have never quite found a life outside a bar.  My cut off age is currently 45.  45 is the LAST age.  If I should feel the need to adjust the age, it would be younger...not older.  

The “In Love” Queens - 

These are the ones who are with the “man of the moment”; proudly displaying each other like Grammy awards on a shelf.  They will be broken up after about two months of hot sex and one-too-many date nights at the bar.  

The Bottom Line:

Queens come and go, but the bars...they are forever.  While I don’t pretend to completely understand the correlation between gay life and the clubs and bars; I know that in some fashion it’s our haven...our little slice of the world where we can completely be ourselves without fear of judgement (this excludes fashion judgement).  I suppose at some point I will just stop trying to figure out the bar crowd and resolve that much like Republican nominees for President, it’s a necessary evil.  ;-)  

The Bench

In the highly competitive world of dating and relationships, have you ever found yourself feeling like you are constantly coming off the bench?  Do you get the sneaky feeling that you are a back-up, a last resort, or a role player?  The "role" being that of a booty call or perhaps something that just feels comfortable...you know...like an extra large raggedy sweat shirt.  What happens when you look up one day and find yourself at what seems like the very end of the bench?  Don't worry yourself with how the hell you got there.  Just ask yourself... How the fuck do I get back in the game?


There are a few ways that I can see...

The Trade

Put the time into bettering yourself.  Work on your "shot".  Wait until you're ready for free-agency and then get the hell off the team!  You have something to offer.  You have skills that have yet to be discovered.  Take your talents to South Beach like LeBron James if necessary, but GET OUT!  Why be on the bench with one team when you can be the star on a team that appreciates all that you bring to the table?

Sign an Extension

Look, this all depends on where exactly you are in your "contract".  The beginning?  Perhaps this is the option for you.  Give it some time.  See if things settle down.  The middle?  It could really go either way.  Where do you see this "team" going?  Is there any real potential to win?  The end?  I've never been one for sticking around just because something is comfortable and familiar.  Who wants to waste their time on something that has never and probably will never work?   If you're at the ass end, it's probably time to venture into free agency.    

Retirement

While this seems like the best option when you're feeling down and out, you should probably save this option for last.  After all...40 is the new 20...60 the new 40...so on and so forth.  No need to step away from the game while you are still in your prime!


After years of being an option and a bench player (both in and out of a relationship), I've come to realize that I have way more to offer on the court than I do on the sidelines.  I've allowed others to place me on the bench as a "just in case".  Well, I'm putting the world on notice.  I won't be a second, third, or twelfth option!   I won't be the asshole who comes in only for a trick play or when all other options have dried up.  I will be THE option.  I don't need to lead the league in scoring.  I just need to be the number one option on my particular team.  Hopefully I didn't lose you with all my sports metaphors or bore you to death.  I just couldn't help but notice all the similarities between sports and relationships.

The Bottom Line: Too many options is a nightmare when you are a child.  Let a child have too many choices and they will either pick everything or nothing at all.  Sometimes it doesn't change when we grow up.  At times, we can be a bunch of semi-responsible extra large children.  It's unfortunate.  There are too many teams to play for in the world for you to just accept being the last of many options.

Shine like the star you are!  


   

It's Midnight. Now What?

I've written about facilitating your own fairy tale in my piece entitled:  Get Your Ass In The Pumpkin!!!!  So, what happens when you get in the pumpkin, show up for the big event with your brave face on, and the clock still has the nerve to strike midnight?

I can deal with the vanishing fancy clothes.  I can manage making my way around town in my own ride.  Hell, I've got enough flip-flops to keep me from really missing a stray shoe.  At the same time, what I can't seem to deal with is all the questions that inevitably follow.  Does anyone care enough to return my "shoe"?  How long will it take for "Prince Charming" to realize that's it's not normal to find one random shoe just lying around?  Is Prince Charming only interested in bangin me in the back of the pumpkin?  And here we go...Question after question, with not a real answer in sight.

Does the answer lie within?  Maybe I should be happy to have had one night with a Prince.  Perhaps I should just be grateful to be a part of a magical evening that not many people have the chance to experience.  I believe there is a balance to be found between complacency and contentment. I'm just not sure I understand how to achieve it.

While all my above ramblings seem metaphorical, the reality is that people all over the world struggle with with this issue every single time they open themselves up to someone they care about.  Everyone wants a happy ending.  Most people want to believe that love is possible, even in the most unlikely places. While I still wholeheartedly believe that a fairy tale takes effort, there are some things which are simply out of our control.


The Bottom Line:  While getting your ass in the pumpkin is important, one has to prepare for what happens next. We can't just plan for that one fairy tale moment in life.  We have to give consideration to what happens once the clock strikes midnight.  After all, who wants to be seen running all over town wearing rags?  

New Message

What do you do when you go looking for something...only to find it?  In the age of instant communication (e.g. text, phone, Internet, etc...), I find myself wishing that I only dated within the Amish community.  At least I'd have less technology to compete with.  Cheating, flirting, and pillow talk would all be done the old-fashioned, tedious, and ultimately sloppier way.  It is way too easy for people to "reach out and touch someone" these days.  I struggle with trust issues in my dating relationships.  I've been burned too many times to count by secret cell phone rendezvous and Internet hookups.  I find myself dating a guy only to realize there is someone on the side...or perhaps several "someones".  I'd really like to know why the Internet and/or the cell phone has turned the entire dating world into a giant pool of options rather than priorities.  How the hell did we get to this place?  

I wish I could trust that I'm enough for the person I'm with.  I long to believe that there isn't always going to be a long lost lover just waiting for the chance to rekindle old romance with my new prospect.  I'd love to believe that a cell phone call-log couldn't possibly hold the key to understanding the person I'm dating.  I fear that I may never be able to trust again.  It seems like something old...something new...something borrowed ...someone he blew...is just a text or a call away.  I've said for a long time that trust is a choice.  I'm beginning to wonder just how sound that whole idea is.  Can we really just choose to trust...even when the texts roll in at 4am?  Or, do we find ourselves tiptoeing around in the dark like some sort of suspicious wife in a Lifetime movie...waiting to snatch the phone and get the real story?  

I'm big enough to realize that I do not have all the answers.  That's why you may notice I spend a lot of time asking questions in the articles I write.  I truly believe that sharing my experiences can not only help me; but could very well help others who find themselves in the similar circumstances.

The Bottom Line:
Sometimes a text is just a text.  Trust, however, is much trickier.    

Verbose or Wordful?

As I ponder my own place in the wonderful market-place of words, I can't help but wonder how many different ways there are to say the same thing.  Someone I know jokingly described himself as "wordful", which made me laugh out loud.  It's funny to me, that's funny weird...not funny ha-ha, how so many people use all kinds of words to say the very same thing.  We use words for more than just relaying information.  We use words to prove points, convey emotions, to uplift, to condemn, to play games, to defend, and to attack.


Word are given even greater power when paired with sound or tone of voice.  Words are curious things.  Words were "created" to help us understand and communicate, yet I find that sometimes words do just the opposite.  Words can be too vague or general for us to understand the true meaning behind them.  Sometimes words just get in the way all together.  I find in many cases, when it comes to words, less truly is more.  I think maybe that's why I like music so much.  It's short on words for the most part and long on composition and complex simplicity...if there is such a thing.  :-)

The Bottom Line
The next time you find yourself bogged down in a war of words, just shut up and turn on some music.  It will make everything right as rain.

Time & Punishment

Do you ever have one of those moments where you start to wonder if perhaps you are being punished for something you've done? Having wondered that...ever have a hard time figuring out what the hell that might have been? I know I do.

In January 2010 it will have been 7 years since I left my ex-wife, an idea that we both agreed was best. Since then, I have struggled in every way imaginable. My ex-wife has struggled to let go of the past. My kids have struggled more than any of us. They struggle to understand why things are different now. They struggle with hearing two versions of how the world turns. They get the narrow-minded, bigoted version with their mother and step-dad. They get the "realist" version from me.

I won't pretend that my decision to come out as a gay man hasn't come at a high price. It was, however, less about being gay and more about being honest with myself and everyone else in my life. Fast forward to today... I can't help but wonder if I am paying too high a price for that decision. Am I being punished for trying to lead an honest life? Sometimes it seems like the criminals in this world are the only ones who really enjoy life. Should I have kept lying? I feel like the answer to this line of questioning is a big fat NO...but I feel like I've served my time. I've taken my punishment. When is it time for me to join the land of the living again?

They say Karma is a bitch. I'm starting to think she's a bitch with the memory of an elephant. I need Karma to give me a damn break. I am not asking to get away with anything. I'm not asking that the effects of my decisions be wiped away for all time. I am being very realistic here...after all, I am a Virgo. I just want to take this moment to appeal to Karma and let her know...

I don't want to be wealthy. I just want to be able to provide for myself and my kids and be OK.

I don't want the romance of the ages. I just want to meet someone who is honest, loving, faithful, and sexy...not Gilles Marini sexy...but cute. I don't think that's too much to ask...is it?

I don't want a McMansion. I just want a home or apartment with room enough for me and my children.

I don't want the chauffeur driven limo. I just want something dependable that won't embarrass me or my kids while we are driving around. :-)

At any rate, I don't believe I want too much. I don't believe I want more than I deserve. I just have this nagging feeling that Karma has other designs on what my sentence should be. I can only hope for a little credit for good behavior to help get me out of what can only be described as jail.

Liar Liar, Pants On Fire!

In this complicated world we live in sometimes the line between truth and fiction can be greatly blurred. Hell, sometimes people can take that line, dance on it, swing it around, and then bury it in their closet with the rest of their skeletons! Why is it that some people have this insatiable need to make their life into something it's not? Why must they create an imaginary world and expect you to live in it with them? I am all for creating your "own world", but only if it's REAL.

These same people then wonder, with genuine intensity, why others will not buy into their lies...their "knock-off coach bag", if you will. Society is becoming more and more artificial by the day. Is this a road we really want to travel down? Do we really want to live a lie more than we want to live the truth? I, above all, know that the truth is sometimes extremely ugly. Sometimes we are not honest with even ourselves because we don't like how the truth sounds when we say it out loud. I get that. However, I honestly believe the only way to live free is in the light. I do not believe in creating a false existence in which to live. There is no point.

Exhibit A: I offer you "JC"...

This is a man (pictured above) that I believed I would be with forever. I didn't realize that he was a con-artist and the Exalted Supreme Emperor of Falsehood. Ours was a story to be told. Little did I know that story would end up being a work of fiction. There were many dots(also known as red flags) when it came to "JC". It took me a while to connect those dots. Once I did, however, the story began to sour faster than 16 day old milk in an unplugged refrigerator. There were lies about so many things. I couldn't possibly go into all of them here...after all, this is a blog not a novel. My point really is that "JC" not only lied...but created a work of fiction that would rival any Oprah Book Club member...and for what? There is never any reason to lie (except for gift giving and surprise party scenarios). In the end, I dismissed "JC". Why? At the end of the day, I'd always have more questions than answers...because I'd never be able to trust him after the assortment of lies he offered up as reality.

Through this entire "JC" ordeal I learned a couple of things. My instincts are RAZOR SHARP. I knew something was off. I took the time to find the missing link, which happened to be in my nightstand just waiting to be found. I won't go into it here but let's just say in involved a flash-drive. My instincts led me to the truth, as they have time and again with everyone from friends to lovers. I will NOT doubt them again.

The second thing I learned is I want to continue to live my life in the truth. I want to surround myself with truth. The people I allow in my life should be people who value truth and believe in it as much as I do. Life is so very short. We are here for a mere moment and then we are gone. There is no time to live in a web of lies. I've been there before...see Granted, it took me years to realize that I was living my own lie. Once I saw it for what it was I made that change. I stepped into the light and have never looked back.

As I reflect on the hows, the whys, the ifs of my "JC" fiction, I realize everything happens for a reason and though that is one of the cliches I hate the most sometimes...it's the truest one I can think of. After going through all this drama and turning 33 in the process, I have no regrets for what I went through, or for the choices I made. I've learned a great deal about myself and that has more value than any other thing in this world.

Take from this story what you will. There are many valuable lessons within these experiences. As with all my works, I share this with you in the hopes that it will inspire and entertain you. If I can do this for even one person, it's worth it.

Stay Free!

David Ross Jackson

Love at 500mph

I am 30,000 feet above the earth, traveling at an astonishing speed. All this speed has led me to ask the question… Is there ever a case where moving fast in a relationship is exactly what you should be doing? I used to think I had the answer to this question nailed to the ground with a mental gravity that not even the most technologically advanced aircraft could conquer. Then, my theory started to falter when I met “him”. Suddenly everything seemed contrary to everything I’d ever learned. Let me explain further.

After spending years dating everyone from parishioners to partiers I found myself most convinced that moving slowly was THE only way to move at all when it came to dating. I had fallen fast and hard for guys who were “serial daters” or men seeking to sustain their youth indefinitely. Then a few weeks ago I came across someone online that I was sure I should not be talking to. He seemed cocky and closed off to anything real. While he was very attractive, I could not get past what I perceived as misguided bravado. I wasn’t even sure why I was chatting with him. Against all my better judgment, we scheduled a time to hang out. That went over like a lead balloon. We tried again… that was like trying to fly that lead balloon while anchored to an aircraft carrier that was in the process of sinking. It all seemed like the worst of lost causes. We made contact again. This time, however, circumstances would only allow us to talk to each other over the phone. We had no way of trying to meet each other. We’d have to settle for talking. A funny thing happened during these conversations which lasted about 6 days. I fell in love. I know…absurd…impossible…stupid…naive… just outright foolish. That’s what I thought at first too.

As we continued to talk, it was apparent that we were both dying to express more than either of us wanted to admit. We “knew” this was too fast. Still, the fact remained; our feelings were growing stronger by the hour. Hours melted away into minutes as we talked about everything from past relationships to hopes for our future.

Now, as I travel at speeds somewhere around 500 miles per hour, I grow so excited to finally meet this man that I can barely contain my school-girl enthusiasm. Against all logic and sound principle I am making a choice to go with what I feel in my heart. I am taking a chance on love again and it feels remarkable. I had almost forgotten that at one time…long ago…I fell in love with a woman in this same manner and we were together for a long time. While that relationship did not last simply because biology would not allow it, the experience was a surreal space of love that I had long forgotten. It’s true. I could be racing toward disaster, but I could also be speeding toward the love of a lifetime. I’ve never felt like this about anyone I’ve never met. I know I am FAR from desperate. I have been focused on myself for quite some time. I’ve done everything a person is supposed to do in order to prepare themselves for love. Who’s to say that this is not exactly what is destined to happen for me? While I cannot say with any certainty that this will work, I sure plan on enjoying the flight.

Date Me?

I sit here stranded, albeit momentarily, on this American Airlines flight bound for Atlanta and I can’t help but let my mind wander into a philosophical place. I am wondering what dating these days has come to. It seems like the older I get the more I start to notice that some people have self-selected down to a smaller and smaller group…leaving nobody but themselves even worthy enough to date. I don’t know about you but I do not want to date myself. It is, however, more and more common for people to describe themselves in excruciating detail only to follow it up with “looking for the same”. Really?

Of course as a gay man, my dating experience is far different than that of a heterosexual man but I did used to be married and have dated a few women. I can say with certainty that the game is far different. Obviously what attracts a woman to a man is not how much alike they both are. Women have qualities that they want in a man and based purely on biology those things are usually somewhat opposite yet complimentary. In the gay culture it is a little trickier to say the least. A vast majority of men fall into one of two categories…they want someone just like themselves or they want someone who embodies everything they wish they were. This all makes for a great laugh but how does that make sense? So many gay men lament the fact that they are alone but using their “logic” all they’d really have to do is invite themselves out on a date to find the perfect man. While I think I am pretty darn great, save a few flaws, I do not want to date myself. I don’t want to date anyone that is exactly like me. Where is the challenge in that? Where is the fun in that?

All things said, I think it might be a good idea for some of us to trade in "date night" for, I don’t know, “counseling night”? The fact that so many want to date their physical and emotional twin is not only slightly hilarious but points to a real problem. Maybe it’s time we opened up our minds to other types of people. Maybe it’s time to work out those issues within us that dictate that we must have our own image constantly reflected back to us in order to be “happy”. Don’t get me wrong…I think having things in common is very necessary and very healthy for any relationship but where does it end?

So the next time you think about going on a date, take a long look in the mirror and ask yourself… Do I really want to date me?

Uniquely Grateful

I'm lying here in the dark listening to Angel by Amanda Perez. I can't help but wonder about divine providence. Does it exist? Do Angels really exist? Do I even believe in God? I know I used to...before life took a baseball bat to my soul. I recently had a "fight" with God. There was yelling. There were tears. It sounds like a bad break-up, I know. I suppose it was a break of some sort. At the center of my beef with God is that he doesn't seem to take care of those who need it. Beyond that, it seems that those who don't deserve great things always seem to have great things. Then I had a conversation with a friend tonight that would make me rethink my feud with the Almighty.

This past Saturday night I was to join my friend at his friend's bachelorette party. The plan was for me to meet him in Ft. Worth where everything was to take place. He was planning on riding with his girlfriends. I told him that I'd rather ride over there with him. He had his friends drop him off at his place and I was to drive us there. Closer to the time of the event I decided that I didn't feel like going. I really didn't have a reason for not wanting to go. I just really didn't want to all of the sudden. So my friend started calling after his friends to come get him. He never could get any of them to answer. He never made it to the party that night either. I felt badly for causing him to miss it.

Tonight I sent my friend a text to see how he was. He told me that his friends had never gotten back to him that night because they were involved in a terrible car accident. The car had been side-swiped while trying to exit the highway. The car flipped over the guard-rail and was struck twice more by other cars on the road. One of his friends was ejected from the car completely and later died from her injuries. The others managed to live but are severely injured and still being treated in a Dallas hospital.

My friend would have been among them in the car had we not made plans to ride together. Some might call it coincidence but I am pretty sure I know better. While I am not completely thrilled with how God always operates, I will always be uniquely grateful to Him for saving my friends life.

It's odd to me how God chooses to use certain people in the lives of others. Never discount your effect on someone's life. Never doubt that there is someone out there watching over you. You just never know what could have been. Something as simple as a decision to stay home can forever alter the course of a life. I do believe in divine providence. As cliche as it sounds, everything really does happen for a reason. I was lucky enough to see that plainly this time. Sometimes we just need a brilliant reminder that God does watch over us.


Stay Free!

In Memoriam: Laying To Rest Friendships That Don't Work

In my relatively short time here on the planet we call Earth, I've already come to realize the need for putting to rest relationships that do not work. I recently had to pay my respects my best friend. Nobody died but the friendship certainly did. Sadly, he decided to travel down a path which I could not follow. Though we've shared deeply and cared for each other, it wasn't enough to save the friendship from the grave.


Before him, there was the other best friend, who was more like a brother near the end. We knew each other’s deep dark secrets. We shared our struggles and dreams alike. We cried together, laughed together, played basketball together, you name it. Life was fun with this friend in my life until our relationship was diagnosed with religion and died soon after.


I understand now, that as with the actual death of a loved one, it is best not to stay mired in the past, but rather remember it for what it was. There are some things that are just not meant to be and no amount of revisiting, apologies, or good intentions will change that. It's best for one’s health to accept the “death” and move forward. Friendships are living things which require much nurturing to stay alive. Once that is cut off it is only a matter of time before irreversible damage is done.


So, today I take a moment to mourn for the loss of my two best friends. I am thankful for the experience but realize that nothing can be done to bring them back. I accept this and tomorrow will bring a new day with new opportunities for friendship.


Stay Free!