Just Do It...Damn It!

What if the life you've always wanted was just one decision away?  What if you did even one thing every single day that took you down your dream path?  What would that look like? What would happen if you stopped dreaming and started doing?  These are all questions I've been asking myself recently.  I finally figured out that the answer is: Stop asking!  There is nothing more cliche or more true than the Nike slogan "Just Do It".   In an effort to avoid trivializing life's many hardships, I will admit that this is harder said than done.  The point is, however, that it can be done!

I know that I've spent way to much of the last 10 years dreaming about how I want my life to be.  That equals about 10 years that I've wasted not making it happen.  I've allowed circumstances and people to dictate the quality of my life.  I've forgotten that my dreams require action in order to come true.  As Kelly Clarkson put it, I've been "breaking my own heart".  You should never stop dreaming; but dreaming alone will never create the reality.  If you truly want something in life...go for it.  Do something...anything...to move you in that direction every single day.  One day you will wake up, look around, and realize... I'm where I want to be!

The Bottom Line:
Give the "seeds" that are your dreams the "water" of your actions.  Warm yourself in the "light" of inspiration and witness the growth!

Dear God

I can honestly say, that prayer is not a regular activity in my life.  I do believe in God.  I even believe in Jesus.  To what extent...that's another story.  I can tell you that I believe prayer is a conversation between you and God.  I believe it was never intended to be a political tool.  I believe prayer only helps you if you believe it.  I believe prayer can be instrumental in getting your heart and mind in sync.

If I had a prayer to offer, it would go something like this...

Dear God,

I want to say thank you for all the things I've been blessed with in my lifetime.  I know we've fought.  I've cursed you out.  I've screamed.  I've cried.  I burned books that people swear were divinely inspired by you.  I've lost faith in you.  I've gained it back.  I've been guilty of coming to you only when I need something.  I've struggled to understand you.  I've worried that you might not be real at all.  I still think you may have it out for me sometimes.  Other times, I feel you have my back.  Our relationship has been up and down...back and forth...and everywhere in between.  I can't say I've got you all figured out.  I can say that the more I learn about myself, the more I learn about you.

I pray that I never knowingly hurt someone, though I know I probably will.  I pray that I can always offer the forgiveness that I so desperately need from others.  I pray that I will always be man enough to be honest with my self and with others...no matter how unpleasant that honesty could be.

I pray that you help me not be so critical of myself and of others.  I pray you never take away my curiosity.  I pray for strength to fight, even when I don't want to fight.  I pray that I learn something...anything...from my tears.  I pray for courage.  I pray that I will always be better today than I was yesterday.  I pray that if you are listening...you never stop listening.   I pray for justice.

I pray for my children's peace of mind and soul.  I pray that no matter where they are in life, they always feel my great and never-ending love for them.  I pray they never forget me.  I pray that they seek the truth about who their dad really is.  I pray one day I can tell them face to face that their love forever transformed my soul.  I pray they will understand, before them...I was nothing.  I pray that everyone in this world gets to experience the unconditional love of a child at least one time.

Finally, I pray that I always feel that like I can say whatever I need to say to you, and that you will listen.  I pray that even in my worst moments, you see my heart.  I pray that you forgive my mouth, and my actions, and my thoughts.  I pray that by the end of my lifetime, I will get to meet the "person" that I've been through hell and back with.  Real or imagined...  Literal or figurative... Near or far... You've always been around.

Sincerely,
Me

The Bottom Line:
Maybe God is within.  Maybe God is somewhere out there.  Maybe God is everywhere.  Maybe it's OK that I don't know.  Life, if nothing else, is a journey.  Our conversations...our prayers with that something or someone that is bigger than ourselves can only lead to greater understanding and greater peace of mind.

Bee About It

Inspiration is a funny thing.  Sometimes it's like being sucker-punched.  Other times it's like finding a twenty dollar bill in a pair of jeans.  I've made it my unofficial goal in life to seek out inspiration in what most would consider off-the-wall places.  For an example of this, read my piece entitled Holy Underwear.  

I work from home daily.  I am a lucky man indeed.  More often than not, you can find me doing my best Flipper imitation at the pool on my lunch hour.  While swimming around yesterday, I noticed a bee stranded in the water.  It was floating on the surface but I could tell the jig was almost up!  He was trying desperately to get out of the water.  He was not having any luck.  Normally, I wouldn't hesitate to put this stinging creature out of it's misery.  On this day, however, my curiosity got the best of me.  I decided to save the bee and observe his behavior once I got him back to dry land.  I know...I'm strange.   

I watched him for what must have been a good fifteen minutes.  I even managed to get a picture(see above).  He worked furiously to wipe away all the water from his body.  He took his time.  He worked very hard.  He was thorough.  He was persistent.  Lastly, he shook off what was left of the water and hit the open skies.  

The Bottom Line:

Even when life seems to be drowning you, accept a helping hand.  Work hard.  Bee thorough.  Bee persistent.  Bee patient.  Shake off what's drowning you and realize that the sky really is the limit! 

A Cog in the Machine

My close personal friend Merriam Webster says that a cog is a tooth on the rim of a wheel or gear.  Metaphorically speaking, being a "cog in the machine" has not been considered a really great thing in the past.  Some have used the term to describe someone who is just an insignificant part of a larger entity...a nobody...a slave...a worker bee.  It was once said that a cog in the machine simply runs around in circles, gets worn out, and is then replaced.  

Aren't we all cogs? 

Kings...Queens...Executives...actors...bankers...Quakers...farmers...landscapers...burger-flippers...travel agents...poop scooper-uppers at the circus...we are ALL part of something larger.  We all perform our function to make something bigger happen.  Who is ever really at the top?  Sure, some of us are bigger cogs than others, but size isn't everything.  That's when it came to me...cogs are getting a bad wrap.   In fact, I think being a cog is the natural order of things.  We are all replaceable.  Every last one of us will "wear out" eventually.  We will all be replaced, displaced, or misplaced at some point in our existence. While we may feel like we are running around in circles and just getting worn out, think of it this way... You may be a cog in the machine but you can always chose the machine.  Our life is what we make it.  The cogs makes life happen all around us.  WE make life happen all around us.  We are all a part of something larger in life.  We all matter. 

The Bottom Line

It really does take all kinds of cogs to make the world turn.  We should all be proud cogs and realize that we can choose what kind of machine we want to be a part of.  That is liberation.  That is freedom. At the end of the day, we are all part of the biggest and most important machine ever made...Life.  Make your circles count.   

Hate This!

To All The Haters...

I know who is responsible for the recent hateful comments left on my blog and your ignorance will no longer be tolerated here. It's a shame that you don't have the courage or character to post your comments under anything other than "anonymous". Your comments have been removed and security measures are now in place to prevent your hateful rhetoric in the future. It's a shame that so many small-minded people still get to walk this earth each and every day spreading hate and intolerance to everyone they possibly can.

While I believe in free speech, I also believe in appropriate behavior. If you want to hate on me because I have a down moment and wish to question MY LIFE, then you are sadder than any post I could ever create. My blog represents my ideals and opinions. Like it or not, I am entitled to that. I will not accept hatred from those who wish to silence me because something I say may reflect poorly upon them. I will not be dissuaded from expressing my views. I will not be bullied by my ex-wife Sandra Renee Bullard, her husband Bart Bullard, or anyone else from their circle of religious bigots.

I will take my life's journey in my way. I will express what I feel I need to. If you don't like it, then I suggest you stop stalking my every word online. You can hate on me all you want, but I will not apologize for my life, my words, my choices, or my thoughts.


Hate This!


Stay Free!

Sunspot - Perfect Imperfection

I call this collection Sunspot because the white image in the background is an actual photo of the Sun. In some of these photos you can see sunspots to the left(smaller) or the right(larger). The human form in these photos is mine. I found it intriguing that both the Sun and Humans have imperfections that are not a detriment and can actually be a thing of beauty. A sunspot, by definition, is an area on the surface of the Sun that has intense magnetic activity. These imperfections produce the following phenomena:

Areas of reduced temperature on the surface of the Sun, which I compare to Humans who exhibit grace under fire...

Beautiful and elegant light formations called Coronal Loops, which I compare to Human creativity...

Solar Flares, that release tremendous amounts of energy which have far reaching effects. I compare this to the Human Spirit, which can deliver someone out of the darkest places in life while forever changing future generations.

The moral of this photographic story is... Don't shy away from your imperfections. They can make you a thing of beauty if you let them. I hope you enjoy. See the photos below...

Time & Punishment

Do you ever have one of those moments where you start to wonder if perhaps you are being punished for something you've done? Having wondered that...ever have a hard time figuring out what the hell that might have been? I know I do.

In January 2010 it will have been 7 years since I left my ex-wife, an idea that we both agreed was best. Since then, I have struggled in every way imaginable. My ex-wife has struggled to let go of the past. My kids have struggled more than any of us. They struggle to understand why things are different now. They struggle with hearing two versions of how the world turns. They get the narrow-minded, bigoted version with their mother and step-dad. They get the "realist" version from me.

I won't pretend that my decision to come out as a gay man hasn't come at a high price. It was, however, less about being gay and more about being honest with myself and everyone else in my life. Fast forward to today... I can't help but wonder if I am paying too high a price for that decision. Am I being punished for trying to lead an honest life? Sometimes it seems like the criminals in this world are the only ones who really enjoy life. Should I have kept lying? I feel like the answer to this line of questioning is a big fat NO...but I feel like I've served my time. I've taken my punishment. When is it time for me to join the land of the living again?

They say Karma is a bitch. I'm starting to think she's a bitch with the memory of an elephant. I need Karma to give me a damn break. I am not asking to get away with anything. I'm not asking that the effects of my decisions be wiped away for all time. I am being very realistic here...after all, I am a Virgo. I just want to take this moment to appeal to Karma and let her know...

I don't want to be wealthy. I just want to be able to provide for myself and my kids and be OK.

I don't want the romance of the ages. I just want to meet someone who is honest, loving, faithful, and sexy...not Gilles Marini sexy...but cute. I don't think that's too much to ask...is it?

I don't want a McMansion. I just want a home or apartment with room enough for me and my children.

I don't want the chauffeur driven limo. I just want something dependable that won't embarrass me or my kids while we are driving around. :-)

At any rate, I don't believe I want too much. I don't believe I want more than I deserve. I just have this nagging feeling that Karma has other designs on what my sentence should be. I can only hope for a little credit for good behavior to help get me out of what can only be described as jail.

Stressed and Taking Prisoners

It occurs to me that there are some in this life who find themselves in a constant state of stress. The reasons could be singular or plural and could range from lack of a bowel movement to trying to take on way too many things in life. It really doesn't matter why. What does matter is that some people like to arrest others with their stress and send them strait to jail! Do not pass GO...do not collect $200.00. I am not sure I will ever fully understand some people's need to inflict their stress on others. I think it's time they all took a deep breath, a good shit, and prioritize. Stop making prisoners out of the people in life that know how to deal with their stress in a healthy way. Learn to cope outside the prison walls. You will live longer and I'm pretty sure everyone else in your life will breathe a collective sigh of relief.

Stay Free!

Liar Liar, Pants On Fire!

In this complicated world we live in sometimes the line between truth and fiction can be greatly blurred. Hell, sometimes people can take that line, dance on it, swing it around, and then bury it in their closet with the rest of their skeletons! Why is it that some people have this insatiable need to make their life into something it's not? Why must they create an imaginary world and expect you to live in it with them? I am all for creating your "own world", but only if it's REAL.

These same people then wonder, with genuine intensity, why others will not buy into their lies...their "knock-off coach bag", if you will. Society is becoming more and more artificial by the day. Is this a road we really want to travel down? Do we really want to live a lie more than we want to live the truth? I, above all, know that the truth is sometimes extremely ugly. Sometimes we are not honest with even ourselves because we don't like how the truth sounds when we say it out loud. I get that. However, I honestly believe the only way to live free is in the light. I do not believe in creating a false existence in which to live. There is no point.

Exhibit A: I offer you "JC"...

This is a man (pictured above) that I believed I would be with forever. I didn't realize that he was a con-artist and the Exalted Supreme Emperor of Falsehood. Ours was a story to be told. Little did I know that story would end up being a work of fiction. There were many dots(also known as red flags) when it came to "JC". It took me a while to connect those dots. Once I did, however, the story began to sour faster than 16 day old milk in an unplugged refrigerator. There were lies about so many things. I couldn't possibly go into all of them here...after all, this is a blog not a novel. My point really is that "JC" not only lied...but created a work of fiction that would rival any Oprah Book Club member...and for what? There is never any reason to lie (except for gift giving and surprise party scenarios). In the end, I dismissed "JC". Why? At the end of the day, I'd always have more questions than answers...because I'd never be able to trust him after the assortment of lies he offered up as reality.

Through this entire "JC" ordeal I learned a couple of things. My instincts are RAZOR SHARP. I knew something was off. I took the time to find the missing link, which happened to be in my nightstand just waiting to be found. I won't go into it here but let's just say in involved a flash-drive. My instincts led me to the truth, as they have time and again with everyone from friends to lovers. I will NOT doubt them again.

The second thing I learned is I want to continue to live my life in the truth. I want to surround myself with truth. The people I allow in my life should be people who value truth and believe in it as much as I do. Life is so very short. We are here for a mere moment and then we are gone. There is no time to live in a web of lies. I've been there before...see Granted, it took me years to realize that I was living my own lie. Once I saw it for what it was I made that change. I stepped into the light and have never looked back.

As I reflect on the hows, the whys, the ifs of my "JC" fiction, I realize everything happens for a reason and though that is one of the cliches I hate the most sometimes...it's the truest one I can think of. After going through all this drama and turning 33 in the process, I have no regrets for what I went through, or for the choices I made. I've learned a great deal about myself and that has more value than any other thing in this world.

Take from this story what you will. There are many valuable lessons within these experiences. As with all my works, I share this with you in the hopes that it will inspire and entertain you. If I can do this for even one person, it's worth it.

Stay Free!

David Ross Jackson

A Day... A Night... and the Noise

9AM:

As I sit in this rather noisy Starbucks, I am reminded that life is pretty much a soundstage. The noise really never goes away. It simply fluctuates from loud to quiet and every place in between. I've had much noise in the past 6 months or so... job noise, like countless others here in America. I've had health noise, relationship noise, ex-wife noise(sometimes the loudest of all the noise), and noise of every kind you could think of. It's our ability to filter out the noise that sets us apart.


10PM:

I've made my way from the coffee shop to my stoop. As I sit in the lingering night-time heat, I can't help but wonder... When does the noise start to become music? Could it be that life's "noise" is actually a symphony of information? Think about it. Without my "job noise", I might not be a very grateful person. Without the noise of my ex-wife, I could spend my life surrounding myself with miserable and controlling people. Instead, I've learned what they look like, how they act, and I avoid them like Swine flu. I guess what I'm getting at is that the noise could either be seen as a malignant force or rather a musical compostion that provides us the notes with which to make the best music we can. Yes, maybe in this dog-eat-dog world that seems a little "Pollyanna", but I think I'm going to give it a chance.


Today has been a day of quiet reflection. I've had alot of time to think on the subject of noise and the role it plays in my life. If my venture in positive thinking in relation to noise takes a turn for the worse there is always my ipod...right? :-)


Stay Free!