Have You Seen Me?

What has happened to friendship?  When did true friendship suddenly go missing?  In the era of Facebook-fueled disposable relationships, I can't help but ask myself... Are real friendships becoming a thing of the past?   

I've always been pretty selective with who I call "friend".  I believe it is a title that should be earned rather than hastily bestowed upon someone.  For this reason, I have few close friends.  I'm OK with that though.  I've had even fewer best friends in my lifetime.  I've lost two so far.  The first was because of my coming out.  That was fun...fun like surgery with no anesthesia.  The second...I'm still trying to figure out what happened there.   

Just a few short months ago, I experienced my second ride on the severed friendship boat.  Someone I cared about deeply and for whom I'd have done anything suddenly sent me a Dear John text.  There was no opportunity for me to address issues or fix what I could.  There was no warning.  There was just a text full of words and thoughts that lacked any love or compassion.  Apparently, this friend could only exist in the sunshine and fair weather.  I guess he didn't have the stomach to endure thunderstorms and hurricanes.  This loss, like the last one, was equally devastating.  I was left confused and deeply hurt.  I had been there for this person through the worst time of their life; and I never once bailed.  I never once ended the friendship.  Why?  Because I believe true friendship and love transcends circumstances, and distance, and life's storms.  I believe that friendship doesn't always have to be perfect or comfortable.  I believe that two people should be able to respect each other and honor their relationship as friends no matter the circumstances.  Sure, shit happens.  People make mistakes.   There are trying times for everyone.  A real friend, however, should be able to see through the storm.  To put it bluntly, any fucking idiot should understand that storms don't last forever.  

Then today, I learned that someone I love dearly lost their best friend to similar foolishness.  I hurt so badly for him.  I remember what it feels like to have your heart ripped out through your ass with the realization that someone you thought was your best friend, really wasn't at all.  This was the last straw for me.  

I have had it with this culture of disposable friendships...where if the person doesn't exactly reflect our interests, ideals, beliefs, goals, or comfort level, we simply toss them out like moldy bread.  When did this become the norm?  When did people become so weak and cowardly that they can't even withstand the high winds of life?  I wish more than anything this wasn't the case.  I hate that people seem to be forgetting the meaning of true friendship.  Pop culture sites like Facebook have fooled people into thinking that sharing your every bowel movement online is friendship.  This has translated into our actual friendships now.  We unfriend people in an instant.  I feel like it's becoming harder and harder for people to distinguish between Facebook and real life.  Will true friendship  remain on the milk carton or will it be plucked from the clutches of its captor - complacency? 

The Bottom Line:

The next time the storms hit and you think of turning your back on someone you call a friend, consider this...  Is it really the right call to cut this person from your life or are you just being a giant bag of flaccid dicks?

Liar Liar, Pants On Fire!

In this complicated world we live in sometimes the line between truth and fiction can be greatly blurred. Hell, sometimes people can take that line, dance on it, swing it around, and then bury it in their closet with the rest of their skeletons! Why is it that some people have this insatiable need to make their life into something it's not? Why must they create an imaginary world and expect you to live in it with them? I am all for creating your "own world", but only if it's REAL.

These same people then wonder, with genuine intensity, why others will not buy into their lies...their "knock-off coach bag", if you will. Society is becoming more and more artificial by the day. Is this a road we really want to travel down? Do we really want to live a lie more than we want to live the truth? I, above all, know that the truth is sometimes extremely ugly. Sometimes we are not honest with even ourselves because we don't like how the truth sounds when we say it out loud. I get that. However, I honestly believe the only way to live free is in the light. I do not believe in creating a false existence in which to live. There is no point.

Exhibit A: I offer you "JC"...

This is a man (pictured above) that I believed I would be with forever. I didn't realize that he was a con-artist and the Exalted Supreme Emperor of Falsehood. Ours was a story to be told. Little did I know that story would end up being a work of fiction. There were many dots(also known as red flags) when it came to "JC". It took me a while to connect those dots. Once I did, however, the story began to sour faster than 16 day old milk in an unplugged refrigerator. There were lies about so many things. I couldn't possibly go into all of them here...after all, this is a blog not a novel. My point really is that "JC" not only lied...but created a work of fiction that would rival any Oprah Book Club member...and for what? There is never any reason to lie (except for gift giving and surprise party scenarios). In the end, I dismissed "JC". Why? At the end of the day, I'd always have more questions than answers...because I'd never be able to trust him after the assortment of lies he offered up as reality.

Through this entire "JC" ordeal I learned a couple of things. My instincts are RAZOR SHARP. I knew something was off. I took the time to find the missing link, which happened to be in my nightstand just waiting to be found. I won't go into it here but let's just say in involved a flash-drive. My instincts led me to the truth, as they have time and again with everyone from friends to lovers. I will NOT doubt them again.

The second thing I learned is I want to continue to live my life in the truth. I want to surround myself with truth. The people I allow in my life should be people who value truth and believe in it as much as I do. Life is so very short. We are here for a mere moment and then we are gone. There is no time to live in a web of lies. I've been there before...see Granted, it took me years to realize that I was living my own lie. Once I saw it for what it was I made that change. I stepped into the light and have never looked back.

As I reflect on the hows, the whys, the ifs of my "JC" fiction, I realize everything happens for a reason and though that is one of the cliches I hate the most sometimes...it's the truest one I can think of. After going through all this drama and turning 33 in the process, I have no regrets for what I went through, or for the choices I made. I've learned a great deal about myself and that has more value than any other thing in this world.

Take from this story what you will. There are many valuable lessons within these experiences. As with all my works, I share this with you in the hopes that it will inspire and entertain you. If I can do this for even one person, it's worth it.

Stay Free!

David Ross Jackson

The Art of Rejection and Dentistry

What is rejection? At first glance this would appear to be an easily answered question. When one takes the time to really think about rejection though, one will find that the answer is not quite as simple as one might have thought.
I’ve found that rejection really has many facets. I should note that I choose the word “facets” for two reasons. First, there is the common definition… a facet being an angle or a side to something. Then I looked deeper and found that there is another meaning…one found in the world of Dentistry. I found this definition very intriguing. Facet: “Dentistry. A small, highly burnished (polished by friction) area, usually on the enamel surface of a tooth, produced by abrasion between opposing teeth in chewing.

Let’s start chewing…

What is rejection?

I feel rejection is the type of combo you wouldn’t find on a McDonald’s menu anywhere. There is the feeling or intention of the person rejecting, paired with the perception and understanding of the person being rejected. The act of being rejected is defined by the feeling of being rejected. In other words one doesn’t really exist without the other. If I don’t feel rejected then the simple fact is…I haven’t been.

What does Dentistry have to do with it?

Well if you look at it metaphorically, you can see that “opposing teeth” produce a highly polished side or “facet” to the tooth by way of friction! The two opposing people can in fact be “polished” or even perfected by rejection, which serves as “friction”.

I got all that from teeth?

Yes! I’ve recently been on both ends of what most would perceive as rejection. I was the person rejecting and then the person being rejected. I didn’t really enjoy being on either end of it to be quite honest. I don’t enjoy putting people through rejection and I don’t really care for being rejected either. If we start to look at rejection in a better light, we can see that it’s a very necessary part of developing character. It is painful but necessary. We can see that rejection really leads us to better and more appropriate opportunities. Rejection can teach us to look within for answers. Rejection polishes us and makes us brilliant and smooth around the edges. Whether it’s rejection from a job, person, family member, friend, or foe, see it as an opportunity to move in a better direction. See it as a way to find that perfect “place” in your life. There are of course those who will disagree with my way of thinking and maintain that rejection is useless and simply some people’s way of being hateful and hurtful. Really it’s all in how you look at it. You can choose to look at the glass as half full or half empty. The choice is always ours.

So, the next time you find yourself on the “wrong” end of rejection, take a moment to breathe and then remember that while the polishing process can be painful at times, it is needed to make us better.

Uniquely Grateful

I'm lying here in the dark listening to Angel by Amanda Perez. I can't help but wonder about divine providence. Does it exist? Do Angels really exist? Do I even believe in God? I know I used to...before life took a baseball bat to my soul. I recently had a "fight" with God. There was yelling. There were tears. It sounds like a bad break-up, I know. I suppose it was a break of some sort. At the center of my beef with God is that he doesn't seem to take care of those who need it. Beyond that, it seems that those who don't deserve great things always seem to have great things. Then I had a conversation with a friend tonight that would make me rethink my feud with the Almighty.

This past Saturday night I was to join my friend at his friend's bachelorette party. The plan was for me to meet him in Ft. Worth where everything was to take place. He was planning on riding with his girlfriends. I told him that I'd rather ride over there with him. He had his friends drop him off at his place and I was to drive us there. Closer to the time of the event I decided that I didn't feel like going. I really didn't have a reason for not wanting to go. I just really didn't want to all of the sudden. So my friend started calling after his friends to come get him. He never could get any of them to answer. He never made it to the party that night either. I felt badly for causing him to miss it.

Tonight I sent my friend a text to see how he was. He told me that his friends had never gotten back to him that night because they were involved in a terrible car accident. The car had been side-swiped while trying to exit the highway. The car flipped over the guard-rail and was struck twice more by other cars on the road. One of his friends was ejected from the car completely and later died from her injuries. The others managed to live but are severely injured and still being treated in a Dallas hospital.

My friend would have been among them in the car had we not made plans to ride together. Some might call it coincidence but I am pretty sure I know better. While I am not completely thrilled with how God always operates, I will always be uniquely grateful to Him for saving my friends life.

It's odd to me how God chooses to use certain people in the lives of others. Never discount your effect on someone's life. Never doubt that there is someone out there watching over you. You just never know what could have been. Something as simple as a decision to stay home can forever alter the course of a life. I do believe in divine providence. As cliche as it sounds, everything really does happen for a reason. I was lucky enough to see that plainly this time. Sometimes we just need a brilliant reminder that God does watch over us.


Stay Free!

In Memoriam: Laying To Rest Friendships That Don't Work

In my relatively short time here on the planet we call Earth, I've already come to realize the need for putting to rest relationships that do not work. I recently had to pay my respects my best friend. Nobody died but the friendship certainly did. Sadly, he decided to travel down a path which I could not follow. Though we've shared deeply and cared for each other, it wasn't enough to save the friendship from the grave.


Before him, there was the other best friend, who was more like a brother near the end. We knew each other’s deep dark secrets. We shared our struggles and dreams alike. We cried together, laughed together, played basketball together, you name it. Life was fun with this friend in my life until our relationship was diagnosed with religion and died soon after.


I understand now, that as with the actual death of a loved one, it is best not to stay mired in the past, but rather remember it for what it was. There are some things that are just not meant to be and no amount of revisiting, apologies, or good intentions will change that. It's best for one’s health to accept the “death” and move forward. Friendships are living things which require much nurturing to stay alive. Once that is cut off it is only a matter of time before irreversible damage is done.


So, today I take a moment to mourn for the loss of my two best friends. I am thankful for the experience but realize that nothing can be done to bring them back. I accept this and tomorrow will bring a new day with new opportunities for friendship.


Stay Free!