Have You Seen Me?

What has happened to friendship?  When did true friendship suddenly go missing?  In the era of Facebook-fueled disposable relationships, I can't help but ask myself... Are real friendships becoming a thing of the past?   

I've always been pretty selective with who I call "friend".  I believe it is a title that should be earned rather than hastily bestowed upon someone.  For this reason, I have few close friends.  I'm OK with that though.  I've had even fewer best friends in my lifetime.  I've lost two so far.  The first was because of my coming out.  That was fun...fun like surgery with no anesthesia.  The second...I'm still trying to figure out what happened there.   

Just a few short months ago, I experienced my second ride on the severed friendship boat.  Someone I cared about deeply and for whom I'd have done anything suddenly sent me a Dear John text.  There was no opportunity for me to address issues or fix what I could.  There was no warning.  There was just a text full of words and thoughts that lacked any love or compassion.  Apparently, this friend could only exist in the sunshine and fair weather.  I guess he didn't have the stomach to endure thunderstorms and hurricanes.  This loss, like the last one, was equally devastating.  I was left confused and deeply hurt.  I had been there for this person through the worst time of their life; and I never once bailed.  I never once ended the friendship.  Why?  Because I believe true friendship and love transcends circumstances, and distance, and life's storms.  I believe that friendship doesn't always have to be perfect or comfortable.  I believe that two people should be able to respect each other and honor their relationship as friends no matter the circumstances.  Sure, shit happens.  People make mistakes.   There are trying times for everyone.  A real friend, however, should be able to see through the storm.  To put it bluntly, any fucking idiot should understand that storms don't last forever.  

Then today, I learned that someone I love dearly lost their best friend to similar foolishness.  I hurt so badly for him.  I remember what it feels like to have your heart ripped out through your ass with the realization that someone you thought was your best friend, really wasn't at all.  This was the last straw for me.  

I have had it with this culture of disposable friendships...where if the person doesn't exactly reflect our interests, ideals, beliefs, goals, or comfort level, we simply toss them out like moldy bread.  When did this become the norm?  When did people become so weak and cowardly that they can't even withstand the high winds of life?  I wish more than anything this wasn't the case.  I hate that people seem to be forgetting the meaning of true friendship.  Pop culture sites like Facebook have fooled people into thinking that sharing your every bowel movement online is friendship.  This has translated into our actual friendships now.  We unfriend people in an instant.  I feel like it's becoming harder and harder for people to distinguish between Facebook and real life.  Will true friendship  remain on the milk carton or will it be plucked from the clutches of its captor - complacency? 

The Bottom Line:

The next time the storms hit and you think of turning your back on someone you call a friend, consider this...  Is it really the right call to cut this person from your life or are you just being a giant bag of flaccid dicks?

We the People

As I got up this morning, I completely overlooked the Supreme Court Decision on gay marriage.  In my grogginess, I moved about getting ready for what I anticipated to be a long workday.  I made my way through my morning routine...shower, teeth brushing...”de-ashification” (lotion)...coffee... and getting dressed.  As I walked toward the front door, the man to whom I used to be engaged informed me of the Supreme Court's decision.  My response was nearly indifferent.  I replied with an "oh, that's good".  See, I was engaged to be married several months ago.  Since that time, I called off the engagement and the relationship for reasons that I won't go into here.  At any rate, I made my way down to my car only to discover that a huge panel underneath the car was broken and hanging off.  I realized that I wouldn't be able to drive to work as planned.  As my anger mounted at the impending car repairs, I made my way back into the apartment, called an Uber, and waited to be picked up.  All I could think of was the cost, the inconvenience, getting to work late, this “stupid” gay marriage decision, and how very alone I felt.
    
I got into the Uber car, and headed off to work.  As luck (or lack thereof) would have it, the driver was tuned into NPR radio.  The topic, of course, was gay marriage.  The pundits were all flexing their opinion muscles.  They talked about the significance, the implications, and the possible legal fights ahead. At first I listened, still indifferent.  Then, they paused to cut over to the live speech by President Obama from the Rose Garden.   That's when everything changed for me.  As Obama spoke about the history of this struggle and the progress of American society, I began to cry.  All my indifference melted away as I realized that while I was so very happy for all those who wanted to get married but could not, I was further away from my marriage moment than I thought I'd be at this point in my life.  This strange mix of grief and gladness would not let up.  As I made my way to work, all I could think about was how I'd missed my chance.  Yeah, I know that sounds a tad dramatic maybe, but it's hard to see "marriage" for myself right now.
 
Once my tears began to subside; my thoughts turned to those who will undoubtedly announce the moral decay of American society and the destruction of all things "godly".  It hurts to know that there are those in the world that would seek to keep me and my gay and lesbian brothers and sisters as second class citizens; and for what?  Before gay marriage was even a thought, heterosexual couples have made a career of entering into marriages lightly and subsequently destroying this “holy” institution.  Furthermore, even those who didn’t believe in God or even believed in things which directly went against God were allowed to take part in this allegedly holy event.  It occurs to me on this day, people of all backgrounds should consider this… Perhaps it’s not holy or godly or Christ-like to exclude certain people from being married.  I offer that perhaps it’s ungodly, or unholy to treat marriage as something disposable.  Perhaps it’s immoral to enter into marriages with insufficient regard.  Perhaps the shame should be placed on the devaluing of marriage rather than who gets to be married.  I don’t pretend to have all the answers but as a formerly married, formerly straight man now living as an openly gay man who now has the right to marry anywhere in my homeland, I have to say that my perspective is clearer than it has ever been.

The Bottom Line

For those who wish to take part in this new era of equality, know this…
Your marriage should NOT be just another option.
Your marriage should NOT be disposable.
Your marriage should NOT be for show.
Your marriage should NOT be for convenience.
Your marriage should NOT be entered into lightly.

For those who wish to decry today’s Supreme Court decision, know this…
Gay marriage does NOT change your relationship with your god.
Gay marriage does NOT infringe upon your rights or opinions.
Gay marriage does NOT diminish your faith.
Gay marriage does NOT make your marriage less special.

For ALL those who are or will be married, know this…
Love, honor, and respect your own marriage.  After all, it’s the only marriage you can both nurture or destroy.