Why Your Church May Be Going To Hell...

As a former Minister of Music, former Youth Minister, and former Church member, I find today's version of Church extremely disturbing.

While I find myself at odds with the traditional Church because of my sexuality, I've come to realize that it's much deeper than that. When I "came out" over 6 years ago, I was "lost at sea" when it came to my faith. The Church members who had declared their love for me as a "brother in Christ" were suddenly nowhere to be found. My closest friends who were a part of the Church were also gone. Their love had simply evaporated into thin air.

I struggled for the first year to find a place of faith and worship. I thought a "gay" Church was surely the answer to my needs. I visited a small Church with a gay Pastor and predominantly gay congregation. At first I felt at home. They were warm and welcoming. Shortly after I began my time there, it was discovered that I had a background in music and singing. I was asked time and again to contribute to the music ministry there, but was not at a place in my life where that was possible. I was still struggling for a place to live and my basic needs in life. I could not, in good conscience, commit to something like that. Soon, attitudes changed. The leadership grew cold. People stopped calling. I realized it was time to move on.

I rationalized at that point that I needed to be in a larger congregation. I thought this would help me be a little more anonymous and allow me to focus on my faith. I went to a Church in Dallas touted as the largest gay Church in the world. What I began to see in my time there, however, is that this Church was no different than any traditional version. It was a highly programmed, image conscious, political battlefield. It was a market-place. You know the kind Jesus might have destroyed with his bare hands back in the day. For all it's "glitz and glamour", it was still empty and hollow, straying wildly away from the central theme of love that the Bible teaches. It was the place to see and be seen.

This is when it occurred to me... It's not about whether the church is gay or gay-friendly, traditional or non-traditional. It's the majority of Churches today...they have spiraled into an era of hatred and intolerance. They hide behind various and differing interpretations to condone exclusion and to explain away anything they do not understand or agree with.

For the larger MEGA-Church, it is all about business. They have created a political climate that would make Washington lawmakers blush. Is this what Church was supposed to be? They are over-grown corporations with political power that rivals that of small countries. Every day of the week these days, churches are packed to capacity with people who have decided to blindly follow "the man". Then, they have the nerve to be upset when that "man" turns out to be nothing more than just that....a man. People have forgotten to use their own minds and hearts. They follow along without question, ready and willing to possibly follow a person right to the gates of Hell.

Think back to all that has been done in the name of religion or faith or Church: The Inquisition, The Holocaust, Salem Witch Trials, The French Wars of Religion, almost any Middle Eastern Conflict, and modern day "terrorism" from groups like Al Qaeda, just to name a few.

It's time we all stopped and asked ourselves both on personal and global level... What has religion really accomplished? If anything needs reform in this country or any other, it is Religion.

Stay Free!

GOP is on fire...please proceed to the exit.

With the exit of Arlen Specter from the burning wreckage that is the Republican Party, it is clear that the GOP is in full disarray. Will this be the wake-up call the party needs to be able to snap out of it?



The GOP has to course-correct now if they want any chance of being relevant in the future. Meanwhile, Michael Steele is proving just how much of a liability he is. His juvenile response to Arlen Specter's exit proves that he just doesn't get it. Party leadership has spent so much time trying to derail Democrats that they forgot to take care of those already in the Republican Party. That whole scenario, in fact, speaks volumes about the issues in the GOP. They have a habit of shooting themselves in the foot at every turn.



I am sure there will be the usual response from the suspect "head-in-the-sand" individuals who insist there is nothing wrong with anyone but Democrats. Moreover, there will be some Republicans who will quickly forget all that Arlen Specter has done to advance the cause of the party since 1966 and dismiss him as a traitor or political survivalist. The GOP Monster has already begun painting one of their most senior statesman as nothing more than someone trying to win an election.



Republicans everywhere should be treating this with somber reflection. This was a completely avoidable situation. This was yet another result of the Republican Machine trying to force a tired and played out agenda rather than acknowledging that times have changed and a new way forward is in order.



For those of you who “get it”, please join me in welcoming our new Democratic Senator, Mr. Arlen Specter.

A Dark Day for Good Dads Everywhere

As I entered the pristine court building, I found myself forced to partially undress for the second time in 20 minutes. I had gone to the wrong building at first. Gotta love those "airport screening" checkpoints that have now made their way to the court buildings of America.

These judges are tucked away in the deepest Harry Potter-esque corners of the building. So hidden are the judges, that most of the people who work there don't even have a grasp on where to find them.

I finally arrived at the appointed place. As I sat in the back of a large "holding area", much like a clinic or something...I couldn't help but notice all the different people. There were some very obvious single mothers (insert screaming children here). There were some less obvious delinquent dads (insert the “this is bullshit” facial expression). Then, there were those that were almost completely below the radar...the good dads. You could tell by their demeanor. They looked as if they worked long hours and slept even less all while managing to look nice for their hearing.

I sat for what seemed like years, afraid to even go pee, for fear that my name would be called and I'd miss the chance to enter the gates of Heaven or rather Hell in this story. Finally, "David Jackson", “Sandra Bullard", the harsh voice called out. I knew this was my time. For what, though, I had no idea.

"Cynthia", the case worker, took my ex-wife and me back to the tiny room to go over our case. Once we were seated I realized how dark this day was about to become. As a note, though I place Cynthia's name in quotations, it is indeed her real name. I will explain the deeper meaning of my using quotations later. “Cynthia's” demeanor immediately changed behind closed doors. While her mouth was saying one thing, her very being and belief system was saying something entirely different.
The unspoken communication was that she wanted nothing to do with me and that if I am here, sitting before her, then I must be something substandard. She no longer saw me. She saw every dead-beat dad that she has worked with, in what I am guessing has been her too many years on the job. She placed her scowling glance on me as though I had just insulted her dead grandmother or something.

After producing all of my documents, which “Cynthia” mostly dismissed as a snow-balls chance in hell, we were asked if we could all come to an agreement on child support. My ex-wife replied that she would be "fine" with the lesser amount per month (lesser by $50 mind you). This new amount, though, was nearly double what I currently pay for child support. Over three months ago, my hours were reduced at work due to the failing economy. Please know...if I were working more than 25hrs per week at the moment, I'd have been happy to entertain this lunacy. Since I am barely able to pay things like rent, electric, water, gas, and food these days, I had to protest. Again, I was treated by “Cynthia” as if I was bothering her in a way that she may never recover from. Since we could come to no agreement, much less any actual or even literal communication about a compromise, we had a hearing set for that same afternoon.


It is 1:30pm “Hearing Time” - I am sitting alone for just a moment, in the courtroom with my head bowed in what some might have mistaken for a prayer. It was more a moment of reflection. I felt like I was staring at an empty vase while convinced it was full of water. What followed would be nothing short of poorly scripted TV court room drama. "Cynthia" called me to the stand as the first witness. She proceeded to ask me very unclear questions...hard questions...difficult to quantify questions. Then, as if any of us has EVER discussed this, she asks, “What do you think you should pay?". "Cynthia" wins the Vile Question of the Year Award. She deliberately set me up to look like a fool on the witness stand. How was I to answer a question like that when we had never discussed any "numbers" but hers?

Later, there was the calling of Sandra Bullard by "Cynthia". Now my ex was on the stand taking “soft-ball” type questions like: What year were you divorced? Have your living expenses increased in the last 5 years? Do you think it's in the best interest of your children to have child support increased? Sandra didn't even need a bat in hand to knock those questions out of the park.

"Cynthia" decided to turn the last 5 minutes of the CHILD SUPPORT hearing into a visitation hearing, she asked... “Has Mr. Jackson exercised his right to visitation?” Sandra replied: "Yes", but then felt the need to add to that. She stated that there were several times this year that I had cancelled with little notice. I would like to point out that this part is true. I’ve been forced to cancel several times since my hours were reduced because I couldn’t afford the extra money for food or gas. I would wait until the last minute in a vain effort to find a way to come up with the means to have them over. Then there was the lie, a lie under oath mind you. Sandra said, "or sometimes he will just not show up". I will shout it from the highest mountain top that this was a bold-faced LIE! The ONLY time I would EVER simply not show up to see my kids and NOT let her know, is if I were dead or incapacitated. I am not sure that my ex knows the line between fact and fiction any longer. I believe those lines were blurred long ago and she effortlessly moves between the truth and fiction on a regular basis now.

In the end, the child support was increased dramatically even though all evidence suggests that it should not have been. What I took away from my very first experience of this kind is that “Cynthia” personifies everything that is wrong with the Child Support and Family Law system in Texas and many other states today, hence the quotations on her name. “Cynthia” is an “ideal”, a “break-down”, a “disconnect”. I was humiliated and patronized in private and on public record. The response to “dead-beat dads” has been to make all dads who are non-custodial parents suffer immensely. The law has been taken too far to the extreme and people like “Cynthia” have been damn near encouraged to approach their job with complete disregard for the father’s financial situation or the facts.

I am truly saddened by the events that took place and even more troubled by my new-found awareness of things. I am making it my personal mission in life to give yet another voice to this full-grown problem. Something has to be done to make this a truly fairer system for fathers everywhere who are keeping true to their responsibilities yet still being penalized for it. I will NOT go quietly.

Stay Free!

Not Your Mother's Tea

Today across America predominantly Republican throngs will gather to protest government taxation and the "Bailouts". At least that's what they would have you believe. Leave it to the Re-publican party to, once again, recycle old ideas and try to make them seem fresh and relevant. As I sat here reading through the different web items regarding this, I realized how appropriate the first two letters of the word Republican really are. There is a definition of Re found in the dictionary and it applies to the Republican Party like no other word...

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re- 
a prefix, occurring originally in loanwords from Latin, used with the meaning “again” or “again and again” to indicate repetition, or with the meaning “back” or “backward” to indicate withdrawal or backward motion
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I take this angle because I find it odd that the GOP has taken the Boston Tea Party meaning and REfurbished it as a way to give their party a "new face". I'm all for going "green" and recycling things but this is ridiculous. The original Boston Tea Party was a protest against British rule as well as taxation by that Kingdom that offered no representation. Today's bailout-heavy legislation is no comparison. While I understand the sentiment of protesting against more taxes and the bailouts, I do not understand why the GOP cannot come up with their own NEW approach at getting their point across.

Below, are some of the more notable recycled ideas...that have NOT worked.
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First it was Sarah Palin, the GOP's answer to Hillary Clinton.

Then it was Michael Steele, the GOP's answer to being African American and Political???

Now, It's this Tax Day TEA Party, the GOP's answer to REinvention.

The problem I see here is that the REpublican Party hasn't even taken a full day off to figure out who they are, who they want to be, where they are going, and how on earth they plan on getting there. It's like we are watching the early stages of a marketing firm's attempts at an ad campaign. We are witness to every bad idea that is being thrown out there instead of seeing the final product.

Mark my words...today's TEA Party gimmick will come and go and the GOP will be no closer to understanding who they are as a party or which direction they should be traveling.


Stay Free!

Quityerbitchin

I've had it! I've absolutely had it! With what you ask? I’ve had it with all the people in this country who didn't vote for Obama that refuse to “get over it”. This is quickly becoming the United States of Bitter. I have the misfortune of being in close proximity to one of these people on a daily basis and I cannot hold my “pen” any longer. Maybe the bitter ones should get there head out of Fox News' ass long enough to come to terms with the fact that Obama is the President and that is NOT going to change anytime soon. The endless bitching and belly-aching about everything from the Stimulus Bill (which DEMs and REPs alike authored and passed into law) to Obama bowing to the King of Saudi Arabia is just counterproductive. I for one don't give a flying heap of dog doo if Obama were to lick the toes of a monarch. Granted, feet aren't exactly my "thing". That's why these naysayers can't do anything substantial for this country…they’d rather moan about insignificant mess than actually contribute.

I guess the reason I am so passionate is that I find it offensive that many who didn't vote for Obama now seem to think it's their right as Americans to not support the President. I'm not asking that everyone agree with each other but the time has come to put all the “sore loser” mentality aside and grow up. Bitching about every single thing, big or small, is not helping anyone. Quite frankly it’s not very "grown-up".

So the moral of this story is put your effort and support where your mouth is and Quit Yer Bitchin!

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Stay Free!

Ted Haggard - Queen Of Denial

Originally Written: February 2009


I've held my tongue long enough.


I was enraged and truthfully somewhat gratified when I first heard about Denver Mega-Church Pastor Ted Haggard and the gay escort a while ago. Now, though, I'm not sure what I find more offensive... The fact that Ted Haggard was crusading against equal rights for gays in America while secretly being a big fag himself... or that he is trying to pawn this notion off that he is a man on the way to finding a cure. Now...I'm OVER IT. Before I go further, let me provide you with reasons why I am someone with "room" to speak about this subject at all.

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My Credentials:

I was married in 1996 to a woman. We were married for almost 9 years. We have two beautiful children together.
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I am now divorced and living as a gay man in America and couldn't be prouder of that.
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I was raised in the Evangelical church.
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I have preached in church.
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I was also a Youth Pastor.
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I was a Minister of Music.
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I was a part of two Church choirs which ministered in prisons as well as to the homeless and less fortunate.
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For my entire marriage I too struggled with "indiscretions" and "urges". Like Ted Haggard, I used to be a lying...cheating...hypocrite! The difference between us though, is that I'm NOT anymore. Well, that and the fact that my wife knew BEFORE we were married that this was my "struggle". If you want to know why she still married me you will have to ask her that. Ted Haggard, however, is still fooling himself and trying to fool everyone else into believing that homosexuality is something that can be cured or done away with. I find this repulsive. I know his game. I know why he's chosen this route. It's because he, like so many others in the world, know that "church" is where the real money is at for his level of player. That's why he's so vigorously trying to rebuild his image and control the "spin" on this whole situation. I find it maddening that he is trying to cash in at the expense of the gay community while still basically trashing our way of life. All the while he is still lying and stumbling his way around the blunt truth. If the truth were stated in simple terms rather than "double-talk"...there are probably MANY other men out there that had some encounter with Ted Haggard. Maybe they were other "closet cases", which is why we have yet to hear about them. I would be willing to put all my money on it.

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This is the SAME old story with a twissssssst. If it's not two men, it's a hooker and the man or the money laundering and the man or the tax evasion and the man. Can you see the pattern?

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Beyond that, when will we as a people learn that putting SO much expectation and power on one individual is NOT what religion or church should be about. OVER AND OVER AND OVER again since I was a CHILD...one high-profile preacher after another after another after another... You would think after all these failures people would start to realize that this is a formula for disaster. What makes me angry though is that people are more than willing to go back for more punishment. They go right back to church and put the power and expectation onto the next person and wait for them to fail and bring their world crashing down. Then they have the nerve to be upset and disillusioned when the Ted Haggards of the world take them all for yet another ride. What everyone should do is rethink their view of religion altogether as well as their notion that people can't just be human. They have to be something other-worldly and infallible apparently. The problem is nobody can be.

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I'm sure many will find my piece offensive and that is fine. I firmly and unapologetically believe in freedom of speech. I also believe that you can be "Gay and OK"...with God and everyone else, if people would just leave it alone already. For the record, I believe that you are born this way...not made. I'm sure there are even gays that would disagree with me but that is my belief developed by my own experience. I will say this, telling someone that "being gay is wrong", when you have never experienced attraction to the same sex, is a lot like telling a cancer patient that you "know how they feel" when you've never had cancer yourself.


Stay Free.