Date Me?

I sit here stranded, albeit momentarily, on this American Airlines flight bound for Atlanta and I can’t help but let my mind wander into a philosophical place. I am wondering what dating these days has come to. It seems like the older I get the more I start to notice that some people have self-selected down to a smaller and smaller group…leaving nobody but themselves even worthy enough to date. I don’t know about you but I do not want to date myself. It is, however, more and more common for people to describe themselves in excruciating detail only to follow it up with “looking for the same”. Really?

Of course as a gay man, my dating experience is far different than that of a heterosexual man but I did used to be married and have dated a few women. I can say with certainty that the game is far different. Obviously what attracts a woman to a man is not how much alike they both are. Women have qualities that they want in a man and based purely on biology those things are usually somewhat opposite yet complimentary. In the gay culture it is a little trickier to say the least. A vast majority of men fall into one of two categories…they want someone just like themselves or they want someone who embodies everything they wish they were. This all makes for a great laugh but how does that make sense? So many gay men lament the fact that they are alone but using their “logic” all they’d really have to do is invite themselves out on a date to find the perfect man. While I think I am pretty darn great, save a few flaws, I do not want to date myself. I don’t want to date anyone that is exactly like me. Where is the challenge in that? Where is the fun in that?

All things said, I think it might be a good idea for some of us to trade in "date night" for, I don’t know, “counseling night”? The fact that so many want to date their physical and emotional twin is not only slightly hilarious but points to a real problem. Maybe it’s time we opened up our minds to other types of people. Maybe it’s time to work out those issues within us that dictate that we must have our own image constantly reflected back to us in order to be “happy”. Don’t get me wrong…I think having things in common is very necessary and very healthy for any relationship but where does it end?

So the next time you think about going on a date, take a long look in the mirror and ask yourself… Do I really want to date me?

Uniquely Grateful

I'm lying here in the dark listening to Angel by Amanda Perez. I can't help but wonder about divine providence. Does it exist? Do Angels really exist? Do I even believe in God? I know I used to...before life took a baseball bat to my soul. I recently had a "fight" with God. There was yelling. There were tears. It sounds like a bad break-up, I know. I suppose it was a break of some sort. At the center of my beef with God is that he doesn't seem to take care of those who need it. Beyond that, it seems that those who don't deserve great things always seem to have great things. Then I had a conversation with a friend tonight that would make me rethink my feud with the Almighty.

This past Saturday night I was to join my friend at his friend's bachelorette party. The plan was for me to meet him in Ft. Worth where everything was to take place. He was planning on riding with his girlfriends. I told him that I'd rather ride over there with him. He had his friends drop him off at his place and I was to drive us there. Closer to the time of the event I decided that I didn't feel like going. I really didn't have a reason for not wanting to go. I just really didn't want to all of the sudden. So my friend started calling after his friends to come get him. He never could get any of them to answer. He never made it to the party that night either. I felt badly for causing him to miss it.

Tonight I sent my friend a text to see how he was. He told me that his friends had never gotten back to him that night because they were involved in a terrible car accident. The car had been side-swiped while trying to exit the highway. The car flipped over the guard-rail and was struck twice more by other cars on the road. One of his friends was ejected from the car completely and later died from her injuries. The others managed to live but are severely injured and still being treated in a Dallas hospital.

My friend would have been among them in the car had we not made plans to ride together. Some might call it coincidence but I am pretty sure I know better. While I am not completely thrilled with how God always operates, I will always be uniquely grateful to Him for saving my friends life.

It's odd to me how God chooses to use certain people in the lives of others. Never discount your effect on someone's life. Never doubt that there is someone out there watching over you. You just never know what could have been. Something as simple as a decision to stay home can forever alter the course of a life. I do believe in divine providence. As cliche as it sounds, everything really does happen for a reason. I was lucky enough to see that plainly this time. Sometimes we just need a brilliant reminder that God does watch over us.


Stay Free!

A Day... A Night... and the Noise

9AM:

As I sit in this rather noisy Starbucks, I am reminded that life is pretty much a soundstage. The noise really never goes away. It simply fluctuates from loud to quiet and every place in between. I've had much noise in the past 6 months or so... job noise, like countless others here in America. I've had health noise, relationship noise, ex-wife noise(sometimes the loudest of all the noise), and noise of every kind you could think of. It's our ability to filter out the noise that sets us apart.


10PM:

I've made my way from the coffee shop to my stoop. As I sit in the lingering night-time heat, I can't help but wonder... When does the noise start to become music? Could it be that life's "noise" is actually a symphony of information? Think about it. Without my "job noise", I might not be a very grateful person. Without the noise of my ex-wife, I could spend my life surrounding myself with miserable and controlling people. Instead, I've learned what they look like, how they act, and I avoid them like Swine flu. I guess what I'm getting at is that the noise could either be seen as a malignant force or rather a musical compostion that provides us the notes with which to make the best music we can. Yes, maybe in this dog-eat-dog world that seems a little "Pollyanna", but I think I'm going to give it a chance.


Today has been a day of quiet reflection. I've had alot of time to think on the subject of noise and the role it plays in my life. If my venture in positive thinking in relation to noise takes a turn for the worse there is always my ipod...right? :-)


Stay Free!

Michael Jackson and the Power of Music

Pictured Above: David Jackson as Michael Jackson


As I woke this morning, I found it difficult to get on with the day. I got plenty of rest. I'm almost to the bottom of my coffee. What's going on with me? There is so much in my life to be excited about. Then it hit me. Michael's memorial is today. While I won't be one of the fortunate ones to attend, the day represents finality. I feel like as long as there has been no "service" for him then it hasn't really happened.


I realize that I may come off as one of the screaming, teary-eyed, Jackson fans, but it's not really like that at all. I grew up listening to Michael's music and watching his videos. His music had a profound impact on my life. An impact that is hard to adequately put into words. I personally believe that music is "other-worldly" already. Think about this... no matter where you go...who you talk to...almost everyone on earth relates to SOME type of music. Not everyone believes in god. Not all people like to read. There are SO many differences that exist between us except when it comes to music. Sure, we all have our taste in music... I love Mariah Carey yet I know many cannot stand her...but we all like music in some form or another. I was trying to remember ever meeting someone who didn't like some sort of music. I've never met anyone that simply refused to listen to music or who didn't enjoy it on some level. There has to be something to that.


That's why I believe Michael Jackson's impact on the world is so great. He found a way to channel the power that music holds. He was able to convey that power to others in a very real and honest way. I think that's why he also incorporated so many different kinds of music into his own. He wanted to connect the music to as many people as he could because he understood the value of music in our lives.


I can be having the worst day. I pop in Mariah, Michael, Pavarotti, Carrie Underwood, Seether, Switchfoot, India Arie, Luther Vandross, John Denver, Elvis, and SO many more and I can get through whatever it is that’s bothering me. Sometimes the music gives me attitude when I'm lacking enough to stand up for myself. Sometimes the music gives me peace when it seems like life is trying to kill me off. Music can get me past a bad relationship moment (thank you Beyonce). Michael understood the true power of music to unite people perhaps better than any other artist living or dead. I will always remember him for that. I will honestly always be grateful for that. So today I choose to look at this memorial, not as an ending, but as a new beginning. There may never be another Michael, but the power of music that he shared with us will always remain.


Thank you Michael...for sharing the Music.