Hate This!

To All The Haters...

I know who is responsible for the recent hateful comments left on my blog and your ignorance will no longer be tolerated here. It's a shame that you don't have the courage or character to post your comments under anything other than "anonymous". Your comments have been removed and security measures are now in place to prevent your hateful rhetoric in the future. It's a shame that so many small-minded people still get to walk this earth each and every day spreading hate and intolerance to everyone they possibly can.

While I believe in free speech, I also believe in appropriate behavior. If you want to hate on me because I have a down moment and wish to question MY LIFE, then you are sadder than any post I could ever create. My blog represents my ideals and opinions. Like it or not, I am entitled to that. I will not accept hatred from those who wish to silence me because something I say may reflect poorly upon them. I will not be dissuaded from expressing my views. I will not be bullied by my ex-wife Sandra Renee Bullard, her husband Bart Bullard, or anyone else from their circle of religious bigots.

I will take my life's journey in my way. I will express what I feel I need to. If you don't like it, then I suggest you stop stalking my every word online. You can hate on me all you want, but I will not apologize for my life, my words, my choices, or my thoughts.


Hate This!


Stay Free!

Sunspot - Perfect Imperfection

I call this collection Sunspot because the white image in the background is an actual photo of the Sun. In some of these photos you can see sunspots to the left(smaller) or the right(larger). The human form in these photos is mine. I found it intriguing that both the Sun and Humans have imperfections that are not a detriment and can actually be a thing of beauty. A sunspot, by definition, is an area on the surface of the Sun that has intense magnetic activity. These imperfections produce the following phenomena:

Areas of reduced temperature on the surface of the Sun, which I compare to Humans who exhibit grace under fire...

Beautiful and elegant light formations called Coronal Loops, which I compare to Human creativity...

Solar Flares, that release tremendous amounts of energy which have far reaching effects. I compare this to the Human Spirit, which can deliver someone out of the darkest places in life while forever changing future generations.

The moral of this photographic story is... Don't shy away from your imperfections. They can make you a thing of beauty if you let them. I hope you enjoy. See the photos below...

Time & Punishment

Do you ever have one of those moments where you start to wonder if perhaps you are being punished for something you've done? Having wondered that...ever have a hard time figuring out what the hell that might have been? I know I do.

In January 2010 it will have been 7 years since I left my ex-wife, an idea that we both agreed was best. Since then, I have struggled in every way imaginable. My ex-wife has struggled to let go of the past. My kids have struggled more than any of us. They struggle to understand why things are different now. They struggle with hearing two versions of how the world turns. They get the narrow-minded, bigoted version with their mother and step-dad. They get the "realist" version from me.

I won't pretend that my decision to come out as a gay man hasn't come at a high price. It was, however, less about being gay and more about being honest with myself and everyone else in my life. Fast forward to today... I can't help but wonder if I am paying too high a price for that decision. Am I being punished for trying to lead an honest life? Sometimes it seems like the criminals in this world are the only ones who really enjoy life. Should I have kept lying? I feel like the answer to this line of questioning is a big fat NO...but I feel like I've served my time. I've taken my punishment. When is it time for me to join the land of the living again?

They say Karma is a bitch. I'm starting to think she's a bitch with the memory of an elephant. I need Karma to give me a damn break. I am not asking to get away with anything. I'm not asking that the effects of my decisions be wiped away for all time. I am being very realistic here...after all, I am a Virgo. I just want to take this moment to appeal to Karma and let her know...

I don't want to be wealthy. I just want to be able to provide for myself and my kids and be OK.

I don't want the romance of the ages. I just want to meet someone who is honest, loving, faithful, and sexy...not Gilles Marini sexy...but cute. I don't think that's too much to ask...is it?

I don't want a McMansion. I just want a home or apartment with room enough for me and my children.

I don't want the chauffeur driven limo. I just want something dependable that won't embarrass me or my kids while we are driving around. :-)

At any rate, I don't believe I want too much. I don't believe I want more than I deserve. I just have this nagging feeling that Karma has other designs on what my sentence should be. I can only hope for a little credit for good behavior to help get me out of what can only be described as jail.

New Music With a Norwegian Twist

Ladies & Gentlemen - Lars Larssen






The Official Lars Larssen Website
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Shades on iTunes
http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewAlbum?i=319403986&id=319403921&s=143457

Stressed and Taking Prisoners

It occurs to me that there are some in this life who find themselves in a constant state of stress. The reasons could be singular or plural and could range from lack of a bowel movement to trying to take on way too many things in life. It really doesn't matter why. What does matter is that some people like to arrest others with their stress and send them strait to jail! Do not pass GO...do not collect $200.00. I am not sure I will ever fully understand some people's need to inflict their stress on others. I think it's time they all took a deep breath, a good shit, and prioritize. Stop making prisoners out of the people in life that know how to deal with their stress in a healthy way. Learn to cope outside the prison walls. You will live longer and I'm pretty sure everyone else in your life will breathe a collective sigh of relief.

Stay Free!

Liar Liar, Pants On Fire!

In this complicated world we live in sometimes the line between truth and fiction can be greatly blurred. Hell, sometimes people can take that line, dance on it, swing it around, and then bury it in their closet with the rest of their skeletons! Why is it that some people have this insatiable need to make their life into something it's not? Why must they create an imaginary world and expect you to live in it with them? I am all for creating your "own world", but only if it's REAL.

These same people then wonder, with genuine intensity, why others will not buy into their lies...their "knock-off coach bag", if you will. Society is becoming more and more artificial by the day. Is this a road we really want to travel down? Do we really want to live a lie more than we want to live the truth? I, above all, know that the truth is sometimes extremely ugly. Sometimes we are not honest with even ourselves because we don't like how the truth sounds when we say it out loud. I get that. However, I honestly believe the only way to live free is in the light. I do not believe in creating a false existence in which to live. There is no point.

Exhibit A: I offer you "JC"...

This is a man (pictured above) that I believed I would be with forever. I didn't realize that he was a con-artist and the Exalted Supreme Emperor of Falsehood. Ours was a story to be told. Little did I know that story would end up being a work of fiction. There were many dots(also known as red flags) when it came to "JC". It took me a while to connect those dots. Once I did, however, the story began to sour faster than 16 day old milk in an unplugged refrigerator. There were lies about so many things. I couldn't possibly go into all of them here...after all, this is a blog not a novel. My point really is that "JC" not only lied...but created a work of fiction that would rival any Oprah Book Club member...and for what? There is never any reason to lie (except for gift giving and surprise party scenarios). In the end, I dismissed "JC". Why? At the end of the day, I'd always have more questions than answers...because I'd never be able to trust him after the assortment of lies he offered up as reality.

Through this entire "JC" ordeal I learned a couple of things. My instincts are RAZOR SHARP. I knew something was off. I took the time to find the missing link, which happened to be in my nightstand just waiting to be found. I won't go into it here but let's just say in involved a flash-drive. My instincts led me to the truth, as they have time and again with everyone from friends to lovers. I will NOT doubt them again.

The second thing I learned is I want to continue to live my life in the truth. I want to surround myself with truth. The people I allow in my life should be people who value truth and believe in it as much as I do. Life is so very short. We are here for a mere moment and then we are gone. There is no time to live in a web of lies. I've been there before...see Granted, it took me years to realize that I was living my own lie. Once I saw it for what it was I made that change. I stepped into the light and have never looked back.

As I reflect on the hows, the whys, the ifs of my "JC" fiction, I realize everything happens for a reason and though that is one of the cliches I hate the most sometimes...it's the truest one I can think of. After going through all this drama and turning 33 in the process, I have no regrets for what I went through, or for the choices I made. I've learned a great deal about myself and that has more value than any other thing in this world.

Take from this story what you will. There are many valuable lessons within these experiences. As with all my works, I share this with you in the hopes that it will inspire and entertain you. If I can do this for even one person, it's worth it.

Stay Free!

David Ross Jackson

Love at 500mph

I am 30,000 feet above the earth, traveling at an astonishing speed. All this speed has led me to ask the question… Is there ever a case where moving fast in a relationship is exactly what you should be doing? I used to think I had the answer to this question nailed to the ground with a mental gravity that not even the most technologically advanced aircraft could conquer. Then, my theory started to falter when I met “him”. Suddenly everything seemed contrary to everything I’d ever learned. Let me explain further.

After spending years dating everyone from parishioners to partiers I found myself most convinced that moving slowly was THE only way to move at all when it came to dating. I had fallen fast and hard for guys who were “serial daters” or men seeking to sustain their youth indefinitely. Then a few weeks ago I came across someone online that I was sure I should not be talking to. He seemed cocky and closed off to anything real. While he was very attractive, I could not get past what I perceived as misguided bravado. I wasn’t even sure why I was chatting with him. Against all my better judgment, we scheduled a time to hang out. That went over like a lead balloon. We tried again… that was like trying to fly that lead balloon while anchored to an aircraft carrier that was in the process of sinking. It all seemed like the worst of lost causes. We made contact again. This time, however, circumstances would only allow us to talk to each other over the phone. We had no way of trying to meet each other. We’d have to settle for talking. A funny thing happened during these conversations which lasted about 6 days. I fell in love. I know…absurd…impossible…stupid…naive… just outright foolish. That’s what I thought at first too.

As we continued to talk, it was apparent that we were both dying to express more than either of us wanted to admit. We “knew” this was too fast. Still, the fact remained; our feelings were growing stronger by the hour. Hours melted away into minutes as we talked about everything from past relationships to hopes for our future.

Now, as I travel at speeds somewhere around 500 miles per hour, I grow so excited to finally meet this man that I can barely contain my school-girl enthusiasm. Against all logic and sound principle I am making a choice to go with what I feel in my heart. I am taking a chance on love again and it feels remarkable. I had almost forgotten that at one time…long ago…I fell in love with a woman in this same manner and we were together for a long time. While that relationship did not last simply because biology would not allow it, the experience was a surreal space of love that I had long forgotten. It’s true. I could be racing toward disaster, but I could also be speeding toward the love of a lifetime. I’ve never felt like this about anyone I’ve never met. I know I am FAR from desperate. I have been focused on myself for quite some time. I’ve done everything a person is supposed to do in order to prepare themselves for love. Who’s to say that this is not exactly what is destined to happen for me? While I cannot say with any certainty that this will work, I sure plan on enjoying the flight.

Date Me?

I sit here stranded, albeit momentarily, on this American Airlines flight bound for Atlanta and I can’t help but let my mind wander into a philosophical place. I am wondering what dating these days has come to. It seems like the older I get the more I start to notice that some people have self-selected down to a smaller and smaller group…leaving nobody but themselves even worthy enough to date. I don’t know about you but I do not want to date myself. It is, however, more and more common for people to describe themselves in excruciating detail only to follow it up with “looking for the same”. Really?

Of course as a gay man, my dating experience is far different than that of a heterosexual man but I did used to be married and have dated a few women. I can say with certainty that the game is far different. Obviously what attracts a woman to a man is not how much alike they both are. Women have qualities that they want in a man and based purely on biology those things are usually somewhat opposite yet complimentary. In the gay culture it is a little trickier to say the least. A vast majority of men fall into one of two categories…they want someone just like themselves or they want someone who embodies everything they wish they were. This all makes for a great laugh but how does that make sense? So many gay men lament the fact that they are alone but using their “logic” all they’d really have to do is invite themselves out on a date to find the perfect man. While I think I am pretty darn great, save a few flaws, I do not want to date myself. I don’t want to date anyone that is exactly like me. Where is the challenge in that? Where is the fun in that?

All things said, I think it might be a good idea for some of us to trade in "date night" for, I don’t know, “counseling night”? The fact that so many want to date their physical and emotional twin is not only slightly hilarious but points to a real problem. Maybe it’s time we opened up our minds to other types of people. Maybe it’s time to work out those issues within us that dictate that we must have our own image constantly reflected back to us in order to be “happy”. Don’t get me wrong…I think having things in common is very necessary and very healthy for any relationship but where does it end?

So the next time you think about going on a date, take a long look in the mirror and ask yourself… Do I really want to date me?

A Day... A Night... and the Noise

9AM:

As I sit in this rather noisy Starbucks, I am reminded that life is pretty much a soundstage. The noise really never goes away. It simply fluctuates from loud to quiet and every place in between. I've had much noise in the past 6 months or so... job noise, like countless others here in America. I've had health noise, relationship noise, ex-wife noise(sometimes the loudest of all the noise), and noise of every kind you could think of. It's our ability to filter out the noise that sets us apart.


10PM:

I've made my way from the coffee shop to my stoop. As I sit in the lingering night-time heat, I can't help but wonder... When does the noise start to become music? Could it be that life's "noise" is actually a symphony of information? Think about it. Without my "job noise", I might not be a very grateful person. Without the noise of my ex-wife, I could spend my life surrounding myself with miserable and controlling people. Instead, I've learned what they look like, how they act, and I avoid them like Swine flu. I guess what I'm getting at is that the noise could either be seen as a malignant force or rather a musical compostion that provides us the notes with which to make the best music we can. Yes, maybe in this dog-eat-dog world that seems a little "Pollyanna", but I think I'm going to give it a chance.


Today has been a day of quiet reflection. I've had alot of time to think on the subject of noise and the role it plays in my life. If my venture in positive thinking in relation to noise takes a turn for the worse there is always my ipod...right? :-)


Stay Free!