Tabula Rasa

When I started this piece, I had an angle all mapped out.  It's funny how life can sort of sit back and just laugh at your map.  First, for those who might not know what Tabula Rasa is (like me a few days ago...big thank you to my friend Mark Wagner), allow me to take a moment to explain it.

Tabula Rasa, like so many perfectly obvious yet mysterious things in life, is clearly defined in the dictionary, but it's also an idea...a lifestyle...a philosophy.

The literal definitions: 
1. a mind not yet affected by experiences, impressions, etc  
2. anything existing undisturbed in its original pure state


The concept or philosophy: 
It dates back as far as Aristotle, when he described the mind as being nothing until something is thought...a blank tablet.  Deep huh?

The most common understanding of the term is "clean slate".  We've probably all heard of that at some point.
When I fist heard this term Tabula Rasa, I had to figure out how the hell to even say it, but more importantly, I immediately applied the idea to other people.  It seemed like the natural thing to do.  I "slept" on the idea for about a week and began to realize an even better application...  apply it to myself!  Yes, the oft overlooked reflection of one's own image... that's where I needed to apply the principle first.  I can't speak for anyone else, but I know for a fact that I am harder on myself in life than anyone else.  I realized that Tabula Rasa needed to be put to immediate use in my own life.  I needed to give myself a clean slate.  I need to forgive myself for quite frankly, being an asshole...to me.  Look, I don't pretend to have all the answers in life; to do so would be foolish.   I can say though, that this moment of realization is one of the most important moments we can ever have.  We have to learn how to give ourselves that clean slate.  When we refuse to do so, our soul withers under the scorching heat of self-hate.  Our spirit cannot grow or flourish in light of the knowledge that no matter how many times we screw things up in life, things will get better as long as we do not give up on the most important person... you!

I'd like to take a moment to share a short letter I've written to myself.  My hope is that those who read this will be inspired to give themselves a clean slate in life...


Dear David, 


I know your life has been difficult and at times very painful.  I know you've blamed yourself for so many things that have happened...some out of your control yet so many that were within your control.  I'm sorry I never gave you the opportunity to breath and enjoy life like you really should.  I apologize for always being so negative and "realistic" with you.  I should have supported your dreams rather than always shooting them down.  I should have believed in you.  I should have loved you when you were weak as well as when you were strong.  I've been a real asshole to you and I ask you to please forgive me.   I want you to know that from now on, I will be here when you need me.  I will be here to remind you that life really can be wonderful.  I want you to know that I will be your best friend.  I will be your rock.  When life frustrates you, I will be there to tell you that everything will work out.  I know you and I don't really care for clichés but sometimes we need to be reminded that there is truth to be found in them.  I really do love and care for you.  I look forward to this clean slate...this blank canvas that we can paint on together.  We can make the picture anything we want it to be.  Together, we can achieve.  We can breathe.  We can laugh from our soul.  We can get that rest we both so desperately need.  Thank you for being the thoughtful person that you are.  Thank you for always being willing to take all the burden, but you need to know that you don't have to do that any more.  I'm here for you.  I support you.  I love you...flaws and all.  


Love, 
Me    

Part-time Patriots

As the sun sets on yet another Memorial Day, I find myself wondering just how patriotic we really are.  It strikes me as a little odd how uptight some people can get about this particular holiday.  Everyone wants to wave the flag.  Everyone wants to claim their military family heritage.  People make it a point to be proud, verging on obnoxious and boastful, when it comes to their military ties.  Then there the other 364 days of the year...

I was chastised by a "friend" this morning about referring to Memorial Day as perhaps, the unofficial "white-trash" holiday.  (I feel at liberty to use the term white-trash without hesitation, as I am part Scottish-American.  These are also the same type of people I spent a great deal of my life with.)  The statement was meant to be an observation and had nothing at all to do with the military.  It was very tongue-in-cheek, but apparently some of us lose all sense of humor once a year.  I don't know, maybe the comment struck a little too close to home.  This friend started going on about the fact that a family member was in the military and their father and their father's father...etc...  In the two years I've know this person, I've never once discussed or been made aware of any family service to our country.  This lead me to realize how part-time some people's patriotism is.  It's a strange concept to me that so many only get "fired up" about their country on holidays.  These are the same folks who sit by the rest of the year and have nothing of value to add to political evolution, learning, or debate.  They grab their Starbucks, head to work, and plan their next major beer bash or Super Bowl party; all the while never trying to affect change that would honor the men and women of the armed forces.

The Bottom Line:
It's convenient and perhaps even a bit stylish to wear the flag on your back for major patriotic holidays, but what's the point if you do nothing the rest of the year?  Though one person got all bent out of shape over my holiday observation, they failed to remember that the brave men and women fight not just for their freedom to be part-time patriots, but for my freedom to say what I wish.  That's something to be proud of.  Let's not forget that every day should be a Memorial Day.  We should live our lives in a way that honors our brave men and women all the time, not just on Memorial Day.

Family Fallout

What happens when you are born into a family that is destined to fail?  Where do you go to find that sense of tradition and heritage?  I think back to my own family history and the answers to those questions seem further away than ever.  I was born into family "fallout", somewhere between belonging and not.  I'm the bastard son of my mom and my dad who were dating at the time.  My dad, who is African-American, was secretly married to an African-American woman.  He had a family of his own and a penchant for affairs with white women.  He would never marry a white woman though, because he is too much of a coward.   As daring as his affairs were, he wasn't daring enough to keep honest relationships.  My mother, on the other hand, was a divorcée with three children from that marriage.  They were Anglo.  I mention race because it plays a huge role in my life, as it relates to family.

When I was born, my mother still used her married last name.  My father was listed as such on the birth certificate but I was given my mothers married last name.  At some point, my mother decided I should go by my father's last name and proceed to use it regularly.  It wasn't until I was a teenager that she requested that it be legally changed.  Though a judge signed a name change order as a part of child support hearings, she never had my birth certificate changed.  To this day I am legally somewhere in between Ross and Jackson.

To complicate matters, I am the only child from either side of my family that is of mixed race.  I'm not Black.  I'm definitely not White.  I'm just me.  It's a shame how we lose ambiguity as we become adults.  The fog lifts and suddenly we see the world for what it really is...Black or White.  I was raised around "white" people and until I started trying to date, I felt no different than those around me.

I don't communicate with my father or his side of the family anymore.  There was a time where I tried but for my "black siblings", I think I represented their father's unfaithfulness and the damage that was inflicted upon their family by all his whorish behavior.  They were very polite but never put much effort into getting to know me.  I can't say I blame them.  My mother's side of the family is another story.  I was very close to my two sisters growing up.  I couldn't have asked for better sisters.  My brother spent most of his time at his father's place so we really didn't get to know each other until recently.  My relationship with my sisters has changed dramatically over the past several years.  I'm not sure why or how this has happened.  There was no definitive event that took place.  There has been no feud.  I honestly believe it's just our family "nature" taking it's course.  It's sad to see how far we have all drifted apart.  We barely speak, although I have made the majority of the effort to keep in touch.  They live in Oklahoma and travel here often to see friends and family(I'm not in that equation apparently).  The state of the "union" is not great.

After reading on Facebook about yet another trip here to Texas , one that I had no clue was happening, I decided to delete my siblings from Facebook.  I don't need a daily reminder that I am being ignored by my so-called family.  I'd rather not know they were in town at all if they won't bother to pick up the phone and let me know.  I've been relegated to a common Facebook acquaintance and as stupid as it sounds, it hurts.

The Bottom Line:

There are about twenty definitions of the word family in the dictionary.  The one that I find most intriguing is the definition as related to math (shown below).

Mathematics:

a given class of solutions of the same basic equation, differing from one another only by the different values assigned to the constants in the equation.

I realize now that we are all just "solutions" of the same basic equation.  We all have different values.  I see that it's time for me to release my understanding of the word Family and move on.  While there will always be the pain of "what could could have been", there is no sense in ignoring definitions that make more sense than the ones I've been using for years.  It's time for me to seek out those people that have the same values and build lasting relationships.  I always love a good math problem for any relationship woe.  

Verbose or Wordful?

As I ponder my own place in the wonderful market-place of words, I can't help but wonder how many different ways there are to say the same thing.  Someone I know jokingly described himself as "wordful", which made me laugh out loud.  It's funny to me, that's funny weird...not funny ha-ha, how so many people use all kinds of words to say the very same thing.  We use words for more than just relaying information.  We use words to prove points, convey emotions, to uplift, to condemn, to play games, to defend, and to attack.


Word are given even greater power when paired with sound or tone of voice.  Words are curious things.  Words were "created" to help us understand and communicate, yet I find that sometimes words do just the opposite.  Words can be too vague or general for us to understand the true meaning behind them.  Sometimes words just get in the way all together.  I find in many cases, when it comes to words, less truly is more.  I think maybe that's why I like music so much.  It's short on words for the most part and long on composition and complex simplicity...if there is such a thing.  :-)

The Bottom Line
The next time you find yourself bogged down in a war of words, just shut up and turn on some music.  It will make everything right as rain.

United States of Terrorism: Why Immigration is Just a Symptom

"Immigration"  

This word really is a loaded gun, a gun certain political parties seem hell-bent on using against anyone that dare stand in their path.  Arizona has become a lightning rod of attention with the passing of the very obtuse immigration law recently.  I'd like to point out that this law is not only a band-aid for a very real problem; it's a dirty band-aid.  Politicians in Arizona are trying to make a statement.  They are trying to tell the White House that they can do as they wish when it comes to immigration.  The problem I see with this law and logic is that immigration is to the United States of America, not Arizona specifically.  With that in mind, I believe immigration laws should be written on a federal level...not state.  I also believe that measures to prevent illegal immigration should be funded and maintained by the federal government.  The Arizona bill flies in the face of federal judiciary and law.  This is why you will see challenges to it.  Local law enforcement should hold its traditional role...to protect the people.  It should NOT be used to act in a federal capacity by verifying U.S. citizenship.  The federal government should be securing our borders with agents, funding, fencing, and technologies.  Stopping every ethnic person one sees to make sure they belong here is not an answer.  Putting our police officers in a role of having to racially profile individuals is not wise and not clever.  Solve the problem at the source...the border.


Those who tell you that Arizona HAD to pass this law to protect the citizens are wrong, if not lying outright.  Some of the worst laws in history were passed out of fear...i.e. The Patriot Act.  Politicians will use the weapon of fear to keep their own positions of power and influence.  They are not concerned with making sure people are U.S. citizens.  At the end of the day, they would do most anything to keep a seat at the government's table.  Government, in general is a gigantic popularity contest.  If you can't appeal to people for votes you must scare them into voting for you.  September 11th didn't just kill thousands of people, it turned America into the VERY thing we claim to fight against... the largest, most well-funded terrorist group the world will ever see.  Think about it, we have waged wars using bad intelligence, killing thousands and contributing heavily to economic unrest.  We've imposed our way of life and values on sovereign countries.  We have terrorized our own citizens with laws that infringe upon basic civil rights.  We tell our citizens, by our actions, that we should live in fear of the unknown...fear of things that are different or contrary... fear of finding our own answers.  Oh, we go on and on about how this is all in the interest of national security...blah blah blah.  It's about power.  


While I realize that many will find my words subversive and unpatriotic, the simple truth is, I love this country and those who, under orders from our government, risk their lives for this country.  I have NO ill will toward and mean no disrespect to any member of the armed forces.  I also love the freedoms that this country was founded on that afford me the right to express my opinion.  I want those same freedoms to remain in tact for my children and their children.  I do not love what I have seen happening in America since 9/11.  It's year after year of bad judgment and leadership.  It's moment by moment scare tactics.  It's a dreadful mess.  


The Bottom Line:
Don't let the politics of immigration law distract you from the much larger issues going on in America.  There are very real powers at work to make sure we remain under foot and scared of the dark.