Originally Written: February 2009
I've held my tongue long enough.
I was enraged and truthfully somewhat gratified when I first heard about Denver Mega-Church Pastor Ted Haggard and the gay escort a while ago. Now, though, I'm not sure what I find more offensive... The fact that Ted Haggard was crusading against equal rights for gays in America while secretly being a big fag himself... or that he is trying to pawn this notion off that he is a man on the way to finding a cure. Now...I'm OVER IT. Before I go further, let me provide you with reasons why I am someone with "room" to speak about this subject at all.
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My Credentials:
I was married in 1996 to a woman. We were married for almost 9 years. We have two beautiful children together.
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I am now divorced and living as a gay man in America and couldn't be prouder of that.
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I was raised in the Evangelical church.
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I have preached in church.
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I was also a Youth Pastor.
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I was a Minister of Music.
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I was a part of two Church choirs which ministered in prisons as well as to the homeless and less fortunate.
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For my entire marriage I too struggled with "indiscretions" and "urges". Like Ted Haggard, I used to be a lying...cheating...hypocrite! The difference between us though, is that I'm NOT anymore. Well, that and the fact that my wife knew BEFORE we were married that this was my "struggle". If you want to know why she still married me you will have to ask her that. Ted Haggard, however, is still fooling himself and trying to fool everyone else into believing that homosexuality is something that can be cured or done away with. I find this repulsive. I know his game. I know why he's chosen this route. It's because he, like so many others in the world, know that "church" is where the real money is at for his level of player. That's why he's so vigorously trying to rebuild his image and control the "spin" on this whole situation. I find it maddening that he is trying to cash in at the expense of the gay community while still basically trashing our way of life. All the while he is still lying and stumbling his way around the blunt truth. If the truth were stated in simple terms rather than "double-talk"...there are probably MANY other men out there that had some encounter with Ted Haggard. Maybe they were other "closet cases", which is why we have yet to hear about them. I would be willing to put all my money on it.
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This is the SAME old story with a twissssssst. If it's not two men, it's a hooker and the man or the money laundering and the man or the tax evasion and the man. Can you see the pattern?
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Beyond that, when will we as a people learn that putting SO much expectation and power on one individual is NOT what religion or church should be about. OVER AND OVER AND OVER again since I was a CHILD...one high-profile preacher after another after another after another... You would think after all these failures people would start to realize that this is a formula for disaster. What makes me angry though is that people are more than willing to go back for more punishment. They go right back to church and put the power and expectation onto the next person and wait for them to fail and bring their world crashing down. Then they have the nerve to be upset and disillusioned when the Ted Haggards of the world take them all for yet another ride. What everyone should do is rethink their view of religion altogether as well as their notion that people can't just be human. They have to be something other-worldly and infallible apparently. The problem is nobody can be.
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I'm sure many will find my piece offensive and that is fine. I firmly and unapologetically believe in freedom of speech. I also believe that you can be "Gay and OK"...with God and everyone else, if people would just leave it alone already. For the record, I believe that you are born this way...not made. I'm sure there are even gays that would disagree with me but that is my belief developed by my own experience. I will say this, telling someone that "being gay is wrong", when you have never experienced attraction to the same sex, is a lot like telling a cancer patient that you "know how they feel" when you've never had cancer yourself.
Stay Free.
