Photo By - David Ross Jackson
It's a sunny and beautiful day here in Texas. It's late January but you'd swear it was Spring outside. Inside, things are a little more like Winter. I will be starting a new chapter in life in the coming months. While I look forward to what lies ahead, I can't help but think of the things I'm leaving behind. Today, I prepared all the boxes filled with my kids toys, clothes, colorings, books, and other memories. Soon, I will take them to my sister's home about four hours North of here.
For those of you who may not know, on the last day of June 2010, I relinquished the rights to my children. I did this with the hope that they would be able to have a life free of the hatred and contempt their mother has for me. I wanted them to be have a childhood that does not make them feel as though they have to choose between Mom and Dad. In the nearly nine years since their mother and I split, relations have become progressively worse. This has made my children miserable and hurt them in ways that only two bitter parents could. I won't pretend that everything was my ex-wife's fault. It wasn't. When it came time for us all to move forward, however, she was unwilling. Working tirelessly to back me into a corner, she finally got her wish. I couldn't, in good conscience, allow my kids to go through this torture any longer.
For seven months now, I could not bring myself to get rid of anything that belonged to my kids. I still can't. Even the smallest little stray Lego could not be thrown away. My hope is that one day, I can open these seven boxes and show my children just how much they are loved. I want them to know that no matter what has been said or done, they were always my life and my inspiration. I felt it was necessary to put some distance between me and these boxes of memories. I've been deeply hurt by all this. I need time to heal...to grieve...to breathe. I need a fresh start. I need to see new dreams realized and leave behind all the sorrow that comes with the decision I felt I had to make. Everything I've done since my children were born has been with them in mind. That won't change. I want to be ready to embrace them again one day. I want to be strong and full of life for them. These seven boxes, which represent my true love and my very soul, will be placed in a quiet and safe place somewhere in Oklahoma. My love for my kids will remain with me at all times. I will never forget the two loves of my life. I will never forget my two blessings. I will never forget their unconditional love for me. I will never take for granted how I was forever changed from the inside out by the two most powerful forces I've ever encountered... my Solomon and Emiley.
When the heartache seems insurmountable and I feel as though I may die of a broken heart, I will remember that somewhere inside of me lives a love that will never die and never be changed...not by time nor circumstance. It lives on forever and I will be forever grateful.
