As I got up this morning, I completely overlooked the Supreme Court Decision on gay marriage. In my grogginess, I moved about getting ready for what I anticipated to be a long workday. I made my way through my morning routine...shower, teeth brushing...”de-ashification” (lotion)...coffee... and getting dressed. As I walked toward the front door, the man to whom I used to be engaged informed me of the Supreme Court's decision. My response was nearly indifferent. I replied with an "oh, that's good". See, I was engaged to be married several months ago. Since that time, I called off the engagement and the relationship for reasons that I won't go into here. At any rate, I made my way down to my car only to discover that a huge panel underneath the car was broken and hanging off. I realized that I wouldn't be able to drive to work as planned. As my anger mounted at the impending car repairs, I made my way back into the apartment, called an Uber, and waited to be picked up. All I could think of was the cost, the inconvenience, getting to work late, this “stupid” gay marriage decision, and how very alone I felt.
I got into the Uber car, and headed off to work. As luck (or lack thereof) would have it, the driver was tuned into NPR radio. The topic, of course, was gay marriage. The pundits were all flexing their opinion muscles. They talked about the significance, the implications, and the possible legal fights ahead. At first I listened, still indifferent. Then, they paused to cut over to the live speech by President Obama from the Rose Garden. That's when everything changed for me. As Obama spoke about the history of this struggle and the progress of American society, I began to cry. All my indifference melted away as I realized that while I was so very happy for all those who wanted to get married but could not, I was further away from my marriage moment than I thought I'd be at this point in my life. This strange mix of grief and gladness would not let up. As I made my way to work, all I could think about was how I'd missed my chance. Yeah, I know that sounds a tad dramatic maybe, but it's hard to see "marriage" for myself right now.
Once my tears began to subside; my thoughts turned to those who will undoubtedly announce the moral decay of American society and the destruction of all things "godly". It hurts to know that there are those in the world that would seek to keep me and my gay and lesbian brothers and sisters as second class citizens; and for what? Before gay marriage was even a thought, heterosexual couples have made a career of entering into marriages lightly and subsequently destroying this “holy” institution. Furthermore, even those who didn’t believe in God or even believed in things which directly went against God were allowed to take part in this allegedly holy event. It occurs to me on this day, people of all backgrounds should consider this… Perhaps it’s not holy or godly or Christ-like to exclude certain people from being married. I offer that perhaps it’s ungodly, or unholy to treat marriage as something disposable. Perhaps it’s immoral to enter into marriages with insufficient regard. Perhaps the shame should be placed on the devaluing of marriage rather than who gets to be married. I don’t pretend to have all the answers but as a formerly married, formerly straight man now living as an openly gay man who now has the right to marry anywhere in my homeland, I have to say that my perspective is clearer than it has ever been.
The Bottom Line
For those who wish to take part in this new era of equality, know this…
Your marriage should NOT be just another option.
Your marriage should NOT be disposable.
Your marriage should NOT be for show.
Your marriage should NOT be for convenience.
Your marriage should NOT be entered into lightly.
For those who wish to decry today’s Supreme Court decision, know this…
Gay marriage does NOT change your relationship with your god.
Gay marriage does NOT infringe upon your rights or opinions.
Gay marriage does NOT diminish your faith.
Gay marriage does NOT make your marriage less special.
For ALL those who are or will be married, know this…
Love, honor, and respect your own marriage. After all, it’s the only marriage you can both nurture or destroy.
