As I enjoy the first day of true heat this year, I'm left to consider why some gay men and women turn to the shade of a closet for relief from life's "heat". There are certain things I don't understand and some that I understand all too well. I do understand feeling the need to be in a closet. I do not understand the idea that it's somehow OK to run in and out of one.
It should be noted that I spent much of my life in the closet and consider myself an expert on the matter. I normally shy away from labeling myself an expert on any subject because I know two things without question. One, things always change. Two, I don't know everything there is to know about everything. The "closet" however, I know. I didn't see it while I was in there. I also had no contact with anyone on the outside with the balls (or vag) to tell me that how I was living was a sham. When you are locked inside a dark closet, it starts to feel less like a closet and more like a safe place to be. It's not until you come out of it, turn around and look at it from the outside, that you finally realize what a shitty little space it is.
There are, however, two types of closet people.
The person who enters the closet and barricades the door.
This was my closet. This person has some sense of what is it is they are dealing with internally; but because of various factors (e.g. family, religion, work, religion, society, religion, racial culture, or religion) choose to ignore or deny it as much as humanly possible. Yes, I'm aware I typed religion several times. It's for dramatic effect but VERY true in many cases. That's a subject for a different day. Anyway, this person, on some level, knows exactly what is going on but chooses to live life as they believe they should or can. They make no efforts to identify as gay.
The person who treats the closet like a
man-cave or lady lounge.
It's the latter group of people mentioned here that, quite honestly, irritate the shit out of me. I don't mean to sound insensitive to the plight of those who find themselves in a true sense of desperation and isolation. After all, I used to BE that person. I take exception to those men and women who treat being gay like some really ugly man or woman whom they have great sex with but refuse to introduce to friends and family. These are not your typical lost souls. These are skilled architects who build a life full of trap doors and secret passageways in and out of the closet. These are people, in my opinion, who are too cowardly to face life as they truly are. They lack the bravery, honesty, and resilience that millions of gay, lesbian, bi, and transgendered people have shown before them. WHO they are depends largely upon where you meet them. Whatever you do, don't try to follow them into the closet. You're almost certainly not invited.
The Bottom Line:
There is no noble alternative to being true.
History is littered with both the brave and the cowards.
Which will you be?
If you're not brave enough to come out of the closet, be brave enough to stop running in and out of it until you are ready to accept yourself no matter the cost. Turning it into a game of lies where the only losers are those around you is a shameful waste of a life. It's OK to be you. Just have the guts to decide which YOU that will be. There were a few people in my life who knew about my closet. I wish any one of them would have cared enough to say to me what I've said here today.
